Lois Griffin's Nymphomania
by Rocket6923
Summary: We all know Lois has a very strong libido. But what would happen to her marriage with Peter if her sex drive spiraled out of control? And what other crazy things would happen? Can she overcome her sex addiction?
1. Breast Engorgement

**Lois Griffin's Nymphomania**

A Fan fiction by Rocket6923

Disclaimer: All Family Guy characters are owned by Seth MacFarlane.

**Chapter 1: Breast Engorgement**

Lois and Peter were under the covers making love to each other.

"Oh, Peter. That feels nice." Lois giggled a little.

"Oh, Lois. Uh, uh, uh, SHIZAM!"

"Ahhh," said Lois satisfied. "That was wonderful. Good for you, Peter."

Lois had something on her mind that she wanted to ask Peter. "You know, Peter, how it feels really great after we do this? I was thinking it would be nice if we could … you know … do this a little more often?" she asked while rubbing her finger on his chin. It was something she had wanted to ask her husband for a long time because she had never been truly satisfied with her sex life. It was not that she didn't enjoy sex with Peter. It was that she did not have it frequently enough. So far they were only having sex once or twice a week which wasn't enough to satisfy her urges.

"Sure thing, Lois. We'll do that," replied Peter.

"Good night, Peter."

"Good night, Lois."

The next night Lois was in bed reading a romance novel when Peter came in.

"Well hello, there. Are you ready for another fun night like last night?" asked Lois as she put away her book.

"Yeah." However, after they kissed and got under the covers, Lois discovered Peter was not really in the mood to make love. After all, he had fallen asleep.

"Peter wake up!" yelled Lois. But it was no use.

The next night, they made love without Peter falling asleep. But it had not been as wonderful as two nights ago. They tried to continue their constant love making, but Peter was usually either too tired or not as into the love making as Lois. They were only able to get two nights of good sex a week if they were lucky.

Lois came up with an idea to make Peter more into their sex life. She purchased a gym membership so she could take classes doing leg and butt exercises. They were really tough classes, but she was determined to improve her appearance. Sure she was already a very attractive woman, but she needed to take what measures she could to make Peter more interested in their love making. The classes seemed to be working because she was developing a nice, shapelier butt.

However, as Lois soon discovered, the gym classes would not be enough. Her plan to increase Peter's libido with her shapelier butt was not working. She decided to ask Brian for help.

"Brian, I need your help with something."

"Well sure thing, Lois. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, it's just that Peter isn't as into our love making as I am. I've wanted us to make love more often for a while now, and I finally decided to ask him. He's either too tired or doesn't make love as good as he does on other nights. What should I do?"

Brian saw that he could use this to his advantage. "Well I don't know. Perhaps you need to do something that will really get his attention. Maybe you could try wearing more revealing clothes around the house. If he sees more of your body, it'll put him in the mood."

"You really think that could work?"

"Oh absolutely! I mean you do have a killer body."

Lois blushed a little. "Thanks, Brian. You give the best advice." Little did Lois realize that Brian only gave her that advice so he could ogle her more easily.

That Saturday, Peter was sitting in a chair outside sipping on lemonade while Lois was watering the flowers. She was wearing her shirt tied in a knot and short-shorts. Brian decided to sit outside to catch the view of Lois's long sexy legs and butt while Peter kept enjoying his lemonade.

"Peter, look. We haven't watered these flowers in so long. They're withering away. Just look at them." Lois was bent over in a very suggestive manner hoping Peter would look her way.

"Yeah I'll take a look at them in a second right after I finish what I'm doing." He was busy looking at a flock of birds. Meanwhile the mailman came.

"Here you go," said the mailman handing Peter a letter. However, he caught Lois bent over in her suggestive manner. "Uh, hold on. I think I may have one more letter for you." The mailman pretended to dig through his bag while staring at Lois. "Well I can't find anything." The mailman went on his way.

Lois looked back and saw that Peter was now looking at the clouds instead of her. "I'm gonna go get dinner ready," she said hoping her husband would pay more attention to her then.

At dinner, Lois was still dressed in her same outfit.

"Hey, Lois, can you get me a beer?"

"Sure thing, Peter." Lois knelt down to get a beer at the bottom of the refrigerator. Brian couldn't stop staring at Lois because of her revealing clothing.

"You, dog, what are you looking at?" asked Stewie.

"Uh, nothing!" replied Brian rather quickly.

Lois spent the next day which was Sunday wondering why Peter didn't pay attention to her. She tried to come up with a new plan that would make Peter notice her more. She decided she was going to start role-playing night. She also decided that she would dress up in her outfit during the day. The next night at dinner, Lois was dressed up as a sexy school girl. Brian was busy ogling Lois while she served everyone else dinner. After all, she looked really hot in her blue skirt and white shirt.

"Hello, Peter!" greeted Lois. "How was your day?"

"Oh, it was exhausting. Angela's been making us do extra work. She thinks it would be good if the Pawtucket Patriot were sold across the country instead of just here in Quahog," yawned Peter.

After dinner, Lois went to bed still dressed in her school girl uniform. She picked up a romance novel to get herself in a lovemaking mood. Pretty soon, Peter entered the room.

"Tough day at work? Well I know how to help you relax. I've been a very naughty girl. I need a spanking." She then bent over slightly, sticking out her curvaceous butt toward Peter. Peter slowly reached his hand to grab Lois's butt but then fell asleep right before he reached it. He then collapsed on top of Lois.

"Rrrrr!" growled a frustrated Lois who would not only have to go without sex tonight but was also forced to sleep uncomfortably while Peter was lying on top of her.

The next night at dinner, Lois decided to dress up in a different costume, a sexy nurse outfit. It was more revealing than her sexy school girl outfit. For one, it exposed more of her long, sexy legs. Another thing that made it more revealing was the fact that there was a large hole where her cleavage was. While she was serving food, Peter was playing his game boy. She gave Stewie some strained carrots.

"HEY! WHAT THE HELL!"

"Eat up, Stewie. They're good for you."

"No. I hate this food. I want biscuits and egg whites. Damn you, vile woman! Stewie launched his baby food with his spoon at Lois which just so happened to land in the spot where the hole was.

"Peter, look what Stewie did!" she said in an obvious attempt to get Peter's attention. However, he was still concentrating on his game boy.

_Yeah! I'd like to lick that off of her_ Brian thought to himself while staring at the spot.

"Peter… look where Stewie's food landed," Lois repeated, trying yet again to get her husband's attention.

"Damnit, Lois. You made me mess up. Now I'm gonna have to start all over."

"Dog! What are you looking at?" blurted Stewie.

"Uh, nothing!" Brian said embarrassed that Stewie had caught him ogling Lois again.

Lois was disappointed but figured she'd have more success in the bedroom. After dinner was cleared and all the dishes were put away she went to the bedroom to read her romance novel.

When Peter came in, she approached him and gently placed her hand on his jaw. She was about to get back in bed when Peter's cell phone rang.

"Hello. Oh hey Quagmire! Cleveland's back in town to visit? Everyone's going to the Drunken Clam? Okay, I'll be right over. Bye." Peter hung up his phone and rushed out of the room forgetting to put his clothes back on.

"Damnit!" cursed Lois as she stomped after Peter left the room.

Meanwhile, Peter had an awesome time at the Drunken Clam with his friends, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. However, Joe was forced to send Peter to jail for the next two weeks for public nudity.

When Peter came back it was Saturday. He decided to celebrate by sitting outside on his recliner chair with a glass of lemonade. The two weeks she hadn't had any sex because of Peter's absence were driving her insane. So Lois decided to catch Peter's attention by dressing in a swimsuit and bikini. She was again busy watering the flowerings and bending over trying to get Peter to notice her.

"Peter, look! I replanted the flowers so our garden looks nicer. Come look at our new garden," she said while bending over.

"I'll look in a second Lois." Peter was busy looking at some clouds again. The mailman came by again and tried to make conversation with Peter so he'd have an excuse to look at Lois. Meanwhile some young boys on skateboards stopped by to look at Lois. "Hey, Lois. Look! Those clouds look just like rocks. Heheheheheheheheh!" Lois looked Peter's way, not sure why he found the clouds so fascinating and saw that she was attracting everyone but Peter's attention so she went back inside to start dinner.

After dinner, Lois immediately went into the bedroom and dressed up like Mystique, looking just like she did when she was seducing Neil Goldman. Then Peter entered the room.

"Oh hey, Lois!" You're looking hot!"

_Yes!_ Lois thought to herself. _We will get to make love tonight._ But just at that moment Peter's cell phone rang.

"Oh hey, Quagmire. What's that? You guys are going out tonight again? To celebrate my release from jail? Aww, sweet! I'll be right over. Bye!"

"Ahh! Damnit! Not again!" cursed Lois as Peter left the room again.

Lois decided to wash off all the makeup she had on for her Mystique outfit and change back into normal clothes. She then decided to ask Brian for help.

"Brian, I need your help again."

"Okay, what seems to be the problem?" 

"Well, I just don't know how to get Peter to notice me. I've tried leg and butt exercises at the gym. I've tried wearing more revealing clothing. I don't know what more I can do."

"Well maybe you'll just have to do something really drastic."

_Something drastic_ thought Lois. "Well I guess I'll just have to think of something then."

Meanwhile, at the Drunken Clam, Peter was hanging out with his friends.

"So is everyone excited for the big game tomorrow between the Jets and the Pats?" asked Joe.

"You bet!" replied Peter. "Where do you guys wanna watch the game?"

"Well we could just watch it here at the bar, but then we'd have to deal with those New Yorkers who came to look at the leaves," said Cleveland.

"Oh, don't remind me of those guys," said Peter in disgust remembering the time he got beaten up by a New Yorker.

"Well while we think of a place to watch it, what else has been going on with you guys lately?" asked Joe.

"Well Lois has been acting kind of strange lately," Peter told his bar buddies.

"Really, how so?" asked Joe.

"Well she's been dressing up at dinner in all these sexy outfits. Tonight when I was about to go to bed she was dressed up as Mystique. She also dressed up in a sexy nurse outfit during one of our dinners."

"Hey guys! I have an idea. How about we watch tomorrow's game at Peter's house?" asked Quagmire, hoping he might get the chance to see Lois acting strangely.

"Yeah, I guess we could do that," replied Peter.

Peter then pulled out his cell phone and called Lois.

"Hello?" she answered very tired.

"Hey, Lois! I was wondering if the guys could come over tomorrow to watch the game?" 

"Yeah, that sounds fine I guess." After she hung up, she came up with an idea for something drastic.

That Sunday Peter had Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire over to watch the Patriots game. They were all sitting on the couch.

"Hi boys!" Lois came in the den dressed only in her black bra and panties, looking very sexy. "Can I bring you guys some beers?" Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe turned their heads to look at Lois. Peter, however, continued to focus more on the TV because he was really excited about the football game. After all, they were up against their biggest rivals, the Jets.

"Heh, heh, awwww right! I am gonna love this show," said Quagmire referring to Lois. Lois came back into the room holding a black tray with four bottles of beer on them. Brian came into the room, but he was more interested in staring at Lois in her bra and panties than he was in watching the game or hanging out with Peter's friends.

Meanwhile the game was a close battle. The game was tied at 10-10 with 30 seconds left in the first half. The Pats had the ball on the 5 yard line and tried to punch it in the end zone but fumbled the ball on the next play, and the Jets recovered.

"Aww damnit!" cursed Peter.

The game remained close throughout the third and fourth quarters. The Jets had a 20-16 lead with only 1:36 left. Lois had continued throughout the game to bring beer to the guys, who were now completely wasted. Even though the game was exciting, the guys seemed much more interested in Lois, except for Peter.

"Come on Pats. We need a touchdown," prayed Peter.

"Hey guys, watch this!" said Brian to Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. Brian, sitting on the couch, tossed a ball across the room. As soon as Lois returned with more beers, Brian said "Hey Lois, could you hand me that ball over there?"

"Sure thing, Brian," she replied. Lois bent down and got the ball for Brian, allowing the guys to stare at her sexy legs and butt. At the same moment that Lois bent down, the Pats turned the ball over.

"Yeah!" all the guys cheered at the nice view except for Peter who continued to focus his attention on the TV.

"Guys, what are you all cheering about? The Pats just fumbled the ball."

Fortunately, for Peter, his team was able to force a three and out by using all 3 of their remaining timeouts and playing good defense. The Patriots got the ball back and marched down the field to the 5 yard line. They were forced to spike the ball to stop the clock at 6 seconds. It was their last chance.

"The Patriots set up in the shotgun," the announcer spoke with anticipation. "Brady throws to a receiver. He breaks one tackle, and another. TOUCHDOWN! PATS WIN! PATS WIN!"

"YAAAYYY! TOUCHDOWN! WE WIN! WE WIN!" shouted Peter as the Patriots scored the game winning touchdown. "We won guys. Guys?" However, Peter glanced over to his friends and noticed that they were all busy ogling Lois. "Guys, what are you looking at? The game's over here," Peter said. "Oh well! We won! Who wants to go out right now? Drinks on me." Peter's friends all cheered.

Lois sighed in disappointment as Peter and his friends all left. Brian was still around. "Oh, Brian. I just don't get why Peter didn't notice me."

"Me neither," said Brian. "I'm out of ideas."

"It's like the only way I'll make him more interested in sex is if I do something that noticeably changes my appearance. Like that time my boobs got bigger because I stopped breastfeeding Stewie." Then the idea hit Lois like a bolt of lightning. "You know, Brian, I think I know what I'm gonna do."

"Well what's your plan?" asked Brian.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough."

She went through with her plan. She stopped breastfeeding Stewie. There was soreness in her breasts for a while, and she went up two bra sizes like last time, which she expected. Then something strange happened during the engorgement process. After seven days the soreness in her breasts disappeared, but her breasts did not return to their normal size. They remained the same size they were when they were engorged.

Lois passed up Brian in the hall and headed straight into the bedroom to await Peter. Brian's jaw dropped in amazement when he noticed Lois's new equipment. "Whoa! Check out the rack on Lois!" Brian exclaimed to himself.

"I know. Mom looks so hot!" said Chris as he walked by and overheard Brian.

"Ewwww! That's so disgusting. You find your own mother sexually attractive?"

"You mean this is the first time you've heard about this?" asked Chris.

"What are you talking about?" asked Brian in confusion.

"Well it's not like this is the first time this has come up. I have shown quite a few signs of being attracted to Lois throughout the series. It was even mentioned in the commentary of Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story. I can't believe you haven't noticed this before. In fact sometimes I look at pictures of mom when I mastur-"

"EWWWWW!" interrupted Brian rather quickly. "NO! NO! NO! NO! Too much information!"

Brian then rushed into the bathroom to throw up.

Meanwhile Lois was in the bedroom under the covers, reading a romance novel to get in the mood. She knew her husband would be walking through the door any minute. She just hoped that her plan would work.

"Hey, Lois," said Peter.

"Hi, Peter. I was thinking maybe we could fool around a little bit tonight."

"Sorry, Lois. It's Cleveland's last day back in town, and we were all gonna go out tonight to celebrate. Besides I'm not really in the mood. Maybe tomorrow night though," replied Peter.

"Well maybe _these_ will get you in the mood."

Lois then got out of bed, dressed only in her white panties and bra, bent down a little to expose some of her cleavage, and gently pushed her breasts together in a very sexy manner.

"Whoa! Lois, did you get implants?" exclaimed Peter.

"No. They're real. I stopped breastfeeding Stewie so they would grow bigger."

Peter began to drool over Lois's chest. "Holy moly! Those are freakin' sweet! And they're real. Hehehehehe."

Lois's plan had worked to perfection. Peter was now in the mood to make love to her.

**(A/N: Some of you may be wondering how the breast engorgement process works. When a woman stops breastfeeding, her body is still used to making milk for at least a few months. Thus her breasts would become larger because the milk is not leaving her system. They would typically stay engorged for several days, but I am breaking this rule so that Lois will have the same appearance she had in I Take Thee Quagmire throughout the story. Also breast engorgement can cause pretty bad inflammation so the breasts would probably not have an attractive appearance. I am breaking this rule as well. Credit goes to DancingKirby for this information.)**

Updated 06/15/2011: I added in some additional scenes in hopes of making this chapter better. Keep in mind that I may go back and make changes to the story at any time.


	2. Office Sex

**Chapter 2: Office Sex**

**(A/N: Sorry it's been over a year since I posted a new chapter. Writing is just very difficult for me. I feel like this chapter can probably be a lot better than it is, but I'm not sure how to make it better. If you're reading this, let me know how I can make it more interesting to read. Oh, and I made some changes to the first chapter.) **

Lois was at home doing her usual household chores. She had dropped off Chris and Meg at school about an hour ago. Stewie was upstairs sleeping. She was trying to scrub a pan, but her mind was elsewhere. She was thinking about the sex she had had last night with Peter. He had been really good in bed last night. In fact, he had never been as good as that. Lois thought that maybe her noticeably larger breasts had gotten him more into the sex. Regardless of what it was, it was such an amazing rush, and she yearned for more right now. Sure there were dishes and laundry to be done, groceries to buy, and a baby upstairs to look after, but she couldn't focus on any of those things. All she could think about was sex.

Unfortunately, Peter was currently at work at the brewery. But she wasn't going to let that stop her from getting what she wanted. She was going to head to the brewery at that instant.

"Brian, look after Stewie for me. I have to go run some errands."

"Okay," he replied.

Lois hopped in her car and sped toward the brewery. As she was driving, she got stuck behind an elderly woman going 20 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. Lois was becoming extremely irritable because she couldn't wait any longer for that amazing sex that she had had with Peter last night.

"Move it, grandma!" Lois yelled, honking the car horn wildly. However, the elderly woman in front of her continued at her same pace and ignored Lois's angry honking.

"Oh to hell with this!" Lois simply drove around the woman. Later on the road she was behind a school bus dropping kids off for a field trip. The stop sign on the bus flipped outward. There was a long line of students getting off.

"Ooops! My shoe's untied," said one kid who stopped in line to tie his shoe while there were still other kids behind him. "Teacher, I forgot how to tie my shoe. Can you come help me?"

"Sure thing, Billy," said the teacher. Lois became so impatient that she drove around the bus, ignoring the stop sign and just missing the teacher.

"What's her problem?" asked the teacher.

Finally, she saw the brewery. She violently swerved her car, occupying three spots, and hopped out, rushing into the building. She ran so fast that one could hear her footsteps from the outside. She found Peter's office door and knocked.

"Oh, hey Lois. I didn't know you were going to come and visit me at wo-"

Peter was interrupted when Lois pulled him into a deep kiss and closed the door.

"Peter, last night was amazing! I want us to do it right here, right now."

"Well I don't know. I have a lot to do," Peter said looking at the paper work on his desk. However, he couldn't say no to Lois who had already taken off most of her clothes before he had even finished his sentence so that she was only in her bra and panties. Besides last night's sex had been just as awesome for him as it had been for her. "On second thought, I think it's time I took a break."

Lois and Peter started making love under his desk.

Later that night, Lois was cooking dinner for the family.

"Well Peter, how did you like my surprise visit?"

"It was absolutely amazing!" said Peter. "Office sex is one of the best kinds of sex there is."

"Glad to hear it. I'll be back again tomorrow."

"Aww sweet!" Peter cried out in joy. Lois bent down a little allowing Peter to spank her. Chris, having an incestuous attraction towards his own mother, and Brian looked at Lois lustfully as she bent over, while Meg and Stewie felt a little grossed out by their mother's behavior.

"I say is this really appropriate dinner behavior?" shouted Stewie angrily. "My spaghettios are getting cold. Now stop acting that way and heat them up!"

Lois came back the next day. She again got Peter to have sex with her in the office. The stack of papers on his desk was a little higher than it was yesterday.

"Oh, Peter," moaned Lois. Lois did not think the experience could possibly get any better, but she was soon proven wrong when Opie entered the room.

"Well, Opie's back. Guess I'd better get back to work," said Peter.

However, instead of being discouraged from continuing sex, Lois was turned on like she had been the other time Opie walked in on them. She didn't know why, but she was aroused by someone watching her have sex.

Peter started putting his clothes back on, but then Lois held Peter back.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! We're gonna keep doin' it," said Lois. "It's really hot when he watches us do it, don't you think? Like the last time we did it with him watching?"

"You know, Lois? You have some strange fetishes, but I don't care. All I know is that I love this sex. And your boobs. Hehehehehehehe!"

"You know what would be really cool? If we played Twister while Opie watched us. Oooh! Let's play Twister tomorrow," Lois squealed excitedly.

"Sounds like fun. Anything for my sexy wife," Peter said as they continued to make love.

"So did you buy Twister?" Peter asked later that evening at dinner.

"I sure did," replied Lois. "Today's sex was even better than yesterday's. I hope Opie walks in on us again like he did today."

Everyone at the table except Peter, who was already aware of Lois's strange fetish, looked at her like she was crazy.

Peter and Lois were in the office naked the next day with the Twister mat spread out on the floor.

"Left hand red!" yelled Peter. Lois moved her left hand to a red circle. Then Opie came in babbling as usual when he saw them both naked.

"Now the fun can really begin," said Lois excited that Opie would be watching them. Lois spun the needle and it landed on green. "Left foot green," yelled Lois. This forced Peter into a position where his pelvic region was rubbing up against Lois's butt.

"Uh, uh, uh, SHIZAM!" yelled Peter. Opie began running around the room wildly and screaming.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Peter," Lois said, getting dressed and kissing her husband goodbye.

Lois kept coming back each day, and each day the stack of papers on Peter's desk got a little higher.

One day when Peter arrived at his office in the morning, he saw Angela blocking Peter's access to his office with a firm expression on her face.

"Mr. Griffin," said Angela, "Opie tells me you've been having sex with your wife in your office."

Peter looked back at his boss, his face turning slightly red. However, he was able suppress his own blush. "That's not true. Besides, how can Opie tell you anything? He can't even talk."

"Opie may not be able to talk like a normal person, but I can understand what he says."

"Oh yeah, well what if you've been wrong about what he's been saying all these years? Ever think about that?" Peter challenged.

"Oh? Well then why has the stack of papers on your desk been getting higher and higher lately?"

"Uh … because Opie keeps putting his work on my desk?"

Angela gave Peter a stern and skeptical look. "Mr. Griffin, if I catch you having sex in your office, you're fired. Now get to work on that stack of papers." With that, Angela went back to her office allowing Peter to enter his.

Later that day, Lois came by the office.

"Lois, there's something I need to tell you first."

"Look what I brought over." Lois pulled out a can of whipped cream.

"Oh you so did not!"

"Oh but I did. Now what was it you needed to tell me?"

"Uhhh…" _Mr. Griffin if I catch you having sex in your office, you're fired!_ he heard Angela's voice inside his head say.

_Keep my job or sex with Lois. Keep my job or sex with Lois_ Peter thought to himself.

However, he found it hard to resist her with her beautiful face, her red hair falling softly over her shoulders, her nice curvaceous butt, and her amazing breasts. "Nothing important! Let's do it!"

Lois took off her bra, revealing her humongous rack, and sprayed the whipped cream over her nipples.

"Yeah lick the whip cream off me right there," said Lois.

Then Peter and Lois heard the door opening slowly.

"Lois, quick! Hide!"

"Relax, Peter. It's probably just Opie again." However, Lois heard a voice that clearly was a woman's.

"Mr. Griffin, I'm just coming to check on you," Angela said very slowly opening the door. Now Lois had not yet taken off any of her other clothes, and Peter hadn't taken off any of his either. Lois quickly ducked behind the door that Angela was opening. "How's everything going in here?" she asked.

"Oh, uh everything's fine," Peter replied nervously.

"Mr. Griffin, why is there this can of whipped cream doing on the floor?"

"Opie brought it over," Peter lied.

"Mr. Griffin, Opie isn't even here."

"Well then I guess he should get in trouble for being late," Peter shot back trying to change the subject.

"I don't think so. Opie requested off today to visit a family member out of town. And there's whipped cream all over your mouth."

"Oh, that? No, that's just shaving cream. Sweet, delicious shaving cream," said Peter licking the cream off his mouth.

Angela was about to leave, unable to prove anything, but then she noticed a trail of whipped cream leading to right behind the door. Peter began to feel nervous when he saw Angela looking at the trail. Peter's heart began racing as Angela swung the door back to its closed position. However, no one was behind there.

"Well, Mr. Griffin, I guess today is your lucky day," Angela said finally leaving.

Peter saw that there was a vent behind the door. "Hey, Lois?" Peter called into the vent.

"Yeah, I'm in here. That was a close one!"

"I know!"

"Peter, I'm thinking we should try something different from office sex from now on. That was just too close." Lois crawled out of the vent. "But let's do it just one last time."

"Sweet!" said Peter as Lois took off her bra again spraying more whipped cream over her chest. Peter then buried his face into the whipped cream.

First submitted on 08/04/2011


	3. Nudist Griffins

**Chapter 3: Nudist Griffins**

It was a beautiful Saturday morning in Quahog. Everyone was greeted with the smell of sausages cooking in the kitchen.

"Good morning, everyone," Lois said cheerfully as everyone came downstairs.

"I hope we can have a pleasant morning without you talking about your sex with Peter," Stewie mumbled, still feeling tired.

"I was thinking today would be a nice day to go watch a movie, just the two of us. It could be like a date," Lois suggested.

"Oooh! Oooh! I want to see the new Planet of the Apes movie," Peter said excitedly.

"Peter, are you sure you want to see another lousy remake?" Lois asked skeptically.

"Lousy? Oh come on! That movie's gonna kick ass!"

"I know. How about we see Contagion? I heard it's pretty good."

"Lois, that movie sucks."

"How would you know? You haven't even seen it yet."

"Because Lois, Matt Damon is in it. Matt Damon."

"What! That's ridiculous! Matt Damon is a terrific actor. Good Will Hunting. Saving Private Ryan. Bourne Identity. True Grit."

"Lois, all those movies suck!"

"I bet you've never even seen any of those movies," Lois shot back.

"Of course I haven't seen any of those movies, Lois. Matt Damon's in them."

"I wouldn't recommend seeing the new Planet of the Apes movie because monkeys are evil," said Chris. Suddenly, he saw the evil monkey pointing at him from the stairs. "Ahh!"

"See? Chris agrees with me. If you don't want to see Contagion how about we see the new Harry Potter movie or the new X-Men movie?"

"No. My mind is made up. It's either Planet of the Apes or nothing."

"Oh, fine," Lois sighed in disappointment. "We'll go see Planet of the Apes. But you owe me."

Meanwhile, at the theater, Lois and Peter were in the back row with everyone else in front of them. Peter was snacking on some Skittles he had purchased from the concession stand. Lois was extremely bored. _Come on! It's just a bunch of stupid monkeys trying to take over the world. What could possibly be so interesting about that?_

_Awesome!_ Peter thought to himself as he watched an ape blow up a helicopter with a bazooka.

_Hmmm…_ Lois was thinking hard of a way she could make her boredom go away. Suddenly she came up with a naughty idea. She unbuttoned a few buttons on the top of her shirt, took the bag of Skittles away from Peter and poured them down her shirt.

Peter, who had not yet seen what Lois was doing with the Skittles, was caught off guard. "Lois… what are you doing?"

"Why don't you reach in there?" she whispered seductively, turning her chest toward Peter. Peter stared into her enormous cleavage. At first he was a little nervous and hesitant about reaching down there to get his Skittles in a public setting. But her breasts looked so tempting that he ignored his initial fear and reach into the depths of her bosom to get the Skittles. Peter loved the way Lois's boobs felt. He had now lost all interest in the movie and kept sticking his hand down Lois's shirt to get to his snack. Lois became very turned on by being felt up in public. But soon the Skittles bag was empty with still at least another two hours left in the movie.

"I'll be right back, Peter. I'm just gonna go to the concession stand to get more Skittles," Lois said kissing her husband.

Lois approached the concession stand forgetting to button back up the top few buttons on her shirt. "Yes, can I help you?" asked the man at the concession stand.

"Yes, I'd like 3 bags of Skittles please."

However, the man became distracted, noticing an array of colors all over the skin of her chest.

"Did you hear me?" Lois asked when she realized the man was drooling over her chest.

"Oh, sorry," the man said blushing when he realized he had been caught staring at her breasts. "Yes, 3 bags of breasts, I mean Skittles, coming up."

Lois returned with the bags of Skittles. "I hope you like the rest of the movie," Lois said, giggling naughtily as she opened a bag and poured some down her shirt. Lois looked in front of her while Peter reached down her shirt. Everyone in the audience had their eyes glued to the screen as the apes were busy killing people, but the idea that someone might turn around at any given moment and catch Peter fondling her made her very horny.

Soon the movie ended, and Peter and Lois started walking back toward their car holding each other in their arms. "So did you enjoy the movie?" Lois asked slyly after they had left the theater.

"I sure did. My favorite part was my snack. Hehehehehehehehehe!" Lois giggled at Peter's joke. "But seriously, I am so horny right now. We need to hurry up and get back home."

Lois drove on the way back.

"Come on, Lois. Can't you go any faster?" complained Peter. Lois smiled liking how her ideas for increasing her husband's sex drive had worked so effectively. As soon as they arrived at home, Stewie was there to greet them.

"Mom, dad, can you change me? The dog refuses to change me, and I think I'm getting a rash."

"Hurry, Peter. There's no time to deal with Stewie right now." Peter and Lois both ran upstairs past Stewie and straight into their bedroom.

"Ahhhh! That was wonderful," said Lois after they finished making love. "You know … foolin' around in public was kind of hot!"

"It sure was."

"I kept thinking we would get caught, but we never did. Don't you think it would be hot if we did it in a place where we could get caught?"

"I sure do, Lois."

"I think I have some ideas where we could do it."

That weekend Peter and Lois went out of town to a hotel by the beach.

"Yes, we'd like to check out a room for two, please," Lois told the receptionist at the hotel lobby.

The receptionist gave them their key, and they went to their room. However, when they got there Lois was completely dissatisfied.

"What's wrong, honey?" asked Peter.

"This room has no view of the pool," complained Lois.

"So?"

"So there's not enough danger in getting caught," she said sadly. "I want a different room!"

Peter sighed. "Alright. We'll see if we can get a different room."

"Yes, can I help you?" the receptionist asked when they returned.

"We'd like a different room, please. Preferably one on the second floor that has a view of the pool," Lois stated.

"We can do that, but there will be a $50 fee."

"What! A $50 fee! That's outrageous!" cried Peter.

"Come on, Peter. Can't you just do it? For me? Please," begged Lois.

"Ah, fine!" Peter handed the receptionist $50.

"Thank you, sweetie. I'll make it worth your while," she told him seductively.

"Here's your key for your new room."

Peter and Lois went to their hotel room on the second floor. Lois opened the blinds of their room on the second floor, allowing them a view of the pool where they could see plenty of kids playing and their parents watching them. She also left the door to their room slightly ajar. "Let's have sex right here in front of this window."

They began kissing each other in front of the window. Peter's hands wandered along her curves and found their way toward her butt cheeks. Peter bent down his head and stuck his tongue in between Lois's boobs.

"I brought you all some extra towels," said a hotel maid entering their room. "Oh dear God!" She ran upon seeing them naked.

"Peter we just got caught. Now I'm feeling really turned on!"

After they had finished making love, Lois looked out the window to see if anyone from the pool area had looked up. The kids were busy splashing each other and playing Marco Polo. The parents were still looking over their kids. It seemed that no one had glanced up at the window while they were doing it.

The next Saturday Lois was getting ready to go to the gym.

"Why don't you come to the gym with me?" she asked her husband.

"I don't know. I'm kind of tired right now. I think I'll go sit outside in my chair with my beer and lemonade."

"Peter, every Saturday you either sit outside or just watch TV. Why don't you do something different for a change? Besides you could really use the exercise."

Peter just sat on the couch and moaned.

"You owe me after I took you to see that Planet of the Apes movie. Remember?"

"Well alright," Peter sighed. "I knew that was gonna come back to bite me in the ass." Little did he know that Lois was actually dragging him to the gym for a different reason.

Lois and Peter were the first two people to arrive in the room where the gym class was being held. Then Jillian came in. "Hi Mr. Griffin," said Jillian. "I haven't seen you here before."

"Yeah, Lois made me come," Peter replied.

"See those bikes over there?" said Jillian. She was pointing to a set of bikes that one would use for a spin class at the gym. "I keep peddling on them, but I always stay in the same spot for some reason. They don't ever move. I see other people peddle on them, but for some reason they never move either."

"Yeah, I know. What is up with that?" Peter replied sharing Jillian's confusion.

_Are you serious?_ Lois thought to herself. _I mean I love you, Peter, but my God you're as dumb as Jillian._

Then the other members of the gym came. These people included the Black Knight's wife, the sexy women at Quagmire's party that Stewie sang Hungry Eyes to (the women from _Emission Impossible_), and the sexy woman who wanted to give Stewie a Barney pen when Peter had a bar in his basement. Other people came in too, but these were the people that Peter took the most notice of. Then the gym teacher who happened to be Bruce the Performance Artist came in.

"Okay everyone. Let's do some stretching exercises for 10 minutes," said Bruce.

"You know, Peter, if you don't want to do any of the exercises, you can just sit back and watch," Lois told her husband. She was really hoping he would do this instead of the exercises.

"Okay," Peter said glad to be getting out of doing the exercises. Peter sat back and watched everyone else stretch. Suddenly he was overwhelmed by all the eye candy in front of him as he watched all the women bend over. He couldn't stop staring at the fantastic bodies of all the women in front of him with the way their large breasts and nice butts swayed. First his eyes were on the Black Knight's wife. Then his eyes wandered over to Jillian, then to the sexy women from Quagmire's party, and the Barney-pen woman. He imagined all sorts of sinful acts he could do to their bodies. Then when everyone was finished with the warm-up stretching, his eyes darted toward his own wife who was staring right at him.

_Uh-oh!_ Peter thought to himself. _She's probably angry at me for staring at all those women. I can't help it, Lois. I'm only a man._ Of course, she did notice him staring at all the other women, but she wasn't angry. In fact, it was exactly what she wanted him to do. Pretty soon everyone was finished with their warm-up stretching and Lois came over toward Peter.

"Peter, I've got a naughty idea," whispered Lois. "Why don't we go into the massage room while everyone is doing their exercises?" Lois knew that Peter would be in the mood after seeing all those women.

Lois and Peter walked over into the massage room nearby while everyone else was getting ready to exercise. Lois began massaging Peter's back and then moved her hands to the lower part of his body.

"Lois, how did you get so good at this?"

"Bruce gave me some lessons on giving massages. That and it's sort of a natural talent."

Then she took off her shirt, got under the covers with him, and started rubbing her breasts on his crotch. Anyone exercising in the room next door could easily walk in on them, and that made it so much more enjoyable for Lois.

Lois and Peter came out of the massage room after everyone had finished exercising.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin. Where did you go?" asked Jillian.

"Oh, my husband was having back pains so I gave him a massage in the other room."

"Yes. It was very pleasurable," said Peter as he and Lois started laughing.

"Well okay," said Jillian not sure why they were laughing. "I'll see you next weekend I guess."

The following Friday Lois saw an advertisement in a newspaper about a carnival that was coming to town on Sunday. There would be all sorts of games, clowns, acrobats, monkeys, and elephants. It was a carnival that attracted around a thousand people every year.

"Peter, come look at this," Lois said showing Peter the newspaper article. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked slyly.

Peter nodded happily.

When the day for the carnival arrived Lois came downstairs wearing some short shorts and a white shirt with no bra while Peter had on his usual clothes.

"What do you think of my outfit?" she asked her husband.

"I love it. Let's go."

When they arrived at the carnival the first thing they did was purchase some ice cream cones. Peter had his hand on Lois's ass while enjoying his ice cream. They saw a woman walking by with her children and her husband, looking at them in a disgusted manner.

"Stop doing that in front of my children!" she cried angrily. "Do you really think it's appropriate for children to see that kind of behavior?"

"Oh, sorry, ma'am," Peter said, feeling ashamed of himself and about to take his hand off Lois's butt.

"Keep it there, Peter," Lois whispered to her husband. "I want other people to look. It's a turn-on."

The woman grew extremely angry when she saw that Peter was keeping his hand on Lois's butt. "Just wait till I tell the manager about this! I have connections with him, you know." Then she turned and saw her husband checking out Lois and slapped him hard. "Richard!"

"Oww!" he replied in embarrassment.

"She can crawl under a rock and die," Lois whispered to her husband when they were a safe distance from her. Peter laughed.

"Oooh! Peter! Look!" Lois said pointing to one of the games. It was a game in which there were six bottles stacked on top of one another with 3 on the bottom, 2 in the middle, and one on the top. You had to throw a ball and knock down all the bottles in one try to win.

"Win me that giant teddy bear, Peter," Lois told her husband. Peter played the game and successfully knocked down all the bottles.

"Yay! You won me the teddy bear!" Lois leaped into Peter's arms and kissed her husband.

Then they saw another game. It was a game in which you would shoot water out of a gun and into a hole. There was a ball that would rise when water was shot through the hole. You had to make the ball reach a red line.

"Oooh! Let's play this game," said Lois.

They both played. Lois got her ball to reach the red line first.

"Ha! I beat you, Peter. In your face!"

"Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna get you." Peter pointed his water gun toward Lois and sprayed her. Lois laughed really hard. She was having so much fun at the carnival.

"I'm gonna get you back for that," Lois shouted. Lois charged toward Peter as if she were about to attack him and then leapt on him. They fell to the ground where they began making out passionately.

A man, who happened to be the guy that worked at Cheesy Charlie's from _Chitty Chitty Death Bang_, tapped them on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but a woman just complained to me about the way you two have been acting."

"Oh, yeah? And who do you think you are telling us what to do?" Peter shot back.

"My name is Charlie, and I am the manager of this carnival. And if you don't stop this inappropriate behavior I will throw you out."

"Charlie? Wait! I remember you," said Peter suddenly recognizing the man. "You're that jackass from Cheesy Charlie's who cancelled our reservations for our son's first birthday party."

The man's face grew extremely red. "You've been warned. And should you not heed my warning, I will make sure you two get banned from my carnivals permanently! Got it?"

"I bet something crawled up that guy's ass and died," joked Peter as soon as he walked away. They started walking toward a concession stand for some food when Peter came up with a crazy idea.

"Hey Lois, I'll race you to the food stand."

"Your on."

Now keep in mind that Lois was feeling very sexually aroused from just making out with Peter which made her nipples hard. Also remember that Lois was wearing a white shirt with no bra and that Peter has just wet her with his water gun. A bunch of crazy hormone-driven teenagers took notice of Lois's big breasts bouncing up and down as she raced Peter to the food stand. They reached the food stand at about the same time and purchased some hot dogs and fries. They sat under a tent to enjoy their food.

"So … are you excited about our big plan for the night?" Lois asked Peter. Peter nodded excitedly.

"Why don't I help you get in the mood?" she asked her husband seductively. She did this by sitting in Peter's lap while putting fries in his mouth. Lois could tell Peter liked the way her butt felt against his crotch when she felt something hard touch one of her cheeks.

"The show's about to start," Lois told Peter after he had finished eating. Indeed one of the performers was about to do a tightrope walking act under the main tent. Lois and Peter snuck in the back where all the performers kept their outfits.

"Alright Peter. Let's do it right here."

Lois and Peter had taken off all their clothes and tossed them over by a monkey cage.

"Oh, Peter," Lois giggled. Peter was being very aggressive and Lois liked it. She could see that she had really gotten him in the mood by sitting on his lap. Little did they know that the monkeys in the cage had taken their clothes and eaten them.

Meanwhile Charlie the manager was about to announce the event but couldn't find his microphone.

"Are you about to announce me?" asked Dave Campbell, the man about to perform the tightrope walking act.

"I will as soon as I can figure out where my damn microphone is."

"Are you sure you can do this?" Dave's wife Dottie asked him.

"Of course I can, sweetheart. Trust me. I'll be safe."

Suddenly, a loud noise rang through the entire tent.

"**SHIZAM!**"

"I think I know where that noise came from," said Charlie. He then turned toward a couple of security guards. "Guys, go check the back and see if anyone is there. There shouldn't be any performers back there right now."

"Uh, Peter …" Lois began fearfully. "Why did that noise sound so loud?" They looked at their surroundings and saw a microphone lying on the ground. They heard footsteps coming.

"Quick let's get our clothes back on," said Lois. However, they soon saw that the monkeys had eaten their clothes.

"Oh crap!" cried Peter.

"Peter, you big idiot! Why do you have to go and make that damn noise every time you have an orgasm? Now we're gonna get caught because of you."

"Me? You're the one who keeps trying to tempt me with more sex. Besides, this was your idea." Peter and Lois began arguing with each other.

"Hold it right there!" a voice yelled. It was the manager of the carnival. "You two? I should've known you two wouldn't behave yourselves. And I did know. Officers, arrest those two."

The security guards were about to handcuff them when someone came to the rescue.

"Don't arrest them!" cried the tightrope walker.

"And why not?" demanded the manager.

"Because they're nudists!" he replied.

**(A/N: Yes, this is Dave Campbell, the nudist in From Method to Madness.)**

"Hold on. I don't buy it. I saw you two wearing clothes earlier today."

"Yeah, well this was their first day as nudists and they were nervous," explained Dave.

"What were you two doing back here in the first place?"

"Uhh… we were just checking out the monkeys?" Lois replied nervously.

"Only employees are allowed back here."

"Oh, sorry. I invited them back here. I forgot to tell you. So will you let them go, please?" Dave asked nicely.

"And why should I do that?"

"Because if you don't, I won't do my tightrope walking act."

"All right! They're off the hook." Then Charlie looked on the ground and found what he needed. "Hey, here's the microphone."

"I've got an idea," said Dave. "Why don't we invite them out? That way other people who are nudists at heart won't be afraid to express themselves."

"That sounds like a great idea," said Dottie.

The manager cringed. "Fine. You can introduce your friends to your fans before your act." Peter, Lois, Dave, Dottie, and Charlie all walked out on the stage before the audience.

"Everyone before I begin my act, I want to introduce you to my friends, the Griffins. Say hi to the Griffins everyone."

"Hi!" they all shouted.

Lois and Peter waved to the crowd shyly while everyone stared at their naked bodies.

"When my wife and I first decided to become nudists we were scared. Many people still don't accept us for who we are. But you know what? We're proud of who we are, nudists. And we're proud to have Lois and Peter Griffin as nudists. And to all those who are nudists at heart, don't be afraid to be who you are."

The audience applauded Dave's speech. Then everyone started taking pictures of Lois.

The woman Lois and Peter had bumped into earlier glared angrily at the two new nudists. Then she turned toward her husband and caught him ogling Lois again.

"Richard!" she yelled and slapped him again.

"Ladies and gentlemen," began Charlie. "Are you ready to see Dave walk the rope?"

"Yeah!" they all cheered.

"Then … HERE! WE! GO!"

Dave climbed up the ladder and successfully walked across the rope to the other side.

"Yay!" everyone cheered.

Dave ran back to his wife and kissed her.

"You were wonderful, Dave."

"Thanks, honey."

"Well, I guess Peter and I should get going. I can't thank you enough for saving us back there."

"Well it's the least I could do after your husband rescued me from the harsh ocean waters."

"We'll see you two later," Lois said. And with that, Lois and Peter headed home. When they opened the door, they saw Chris was there to greet them.

"Uh … why are you two naked?" he asked.

"It's a long story, Chris," Peter answered.

First Submitted on 09/14/2011


	4. Sexual Fantasies

**Sexual Fantasies**

It was a few nights after their incident at Charlie's carnival. Lois had just finished having sex with Peter and was now in a deep sleep. In her dream she was tied to a chair in what appeared to be a mansion. In the room with her was the movie star Mel Gibson. She didn't know why Mel Gibson had her tied to the chair, but she knew that it was for a sinister purpose.

"Oh no! What are you gonna do to me?" asked Lois worried. "Or what are you gonna do to me?" she repeated with a sensual tone.

"Whatever you want me to, baby," replied Mel Gibson as he began to untie Lois and then sit on her lap. Mel started unbuttoning his shirt. They began to make out.

Lois gasped as she awoke from her dream. She looked over to her husband Peter who was unaware of her dream about another man. _Relax, Lois. It was just a dream. _

NEXT NIGHT

Lois had another crazy dream after she had kissed Peter goodnight. This time the Griffin's were playing on Family Feud. Her eyes caught the attention of the game show host. First the game show host walked to the other side of the room where their competitors were. Then he kissed the mother of that family on both sides of the cheek. Then he walked over to Lois to kiss her on both cheeks. Lois, feeling really fired up, stuck out her tongue but noticed that the game show host only kissed her on the cheeks.

The game show host started to walk away, but Lois wasn't going to let him get away that easily. "Oh, no, no, no, no!" I've been waiting for this for years." Lois grabbed the game show host and pulled him into a passionate French kiss.

At that moment Lois awoke from her dream. She stay awake the rest of the night wondering why she had yet again dreamt about another man.

NEXT NIGHT

After going to bed, Lois dreamt that the family was having dinner at the dining room table with the football star Tom Brady. Meg had asked for Tom Brady's autograph but then accidentally knocked over his wine glass, causing the wine to spill on his shirt.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Tom Brady," apologized Meg.

"Yeah, maybe you should take a shower," suggested Lois.

"Oh, that's okay. It's just a little wine. It'll come out," replied Tom.

However, Lois would not settle for that. She threw the rest of her wine onto Tom Brady's shirt.

"Well that's not gonna come out, Mr. Tom Brady. You'd better take a shower." Tom Brady headed upstairs to take a shower.

Lois then snuck into Stewie's room and drilled a hole in the wall with a power drill to watch Tom Brady shower. Lois became enamored with the football player's magnificently sculpted body. Suddenly she found herself on the other side of the wall completely naked and in the shower with the football star.

"Oh hey there, Mrs. Griffin," the football star said cheerfully. "I didn't know you were gonna join me in the shower."

"Oh you and I are gonna do more than just take a shower together!" Lois said excitedly.

She impulsively grabbed the football star and pulled him into a fervent kiss.

Her dream ended when she kissed the football star.

NEXT NIGHT

Lois fell into another deep sleep hoping she would not have any more fantasies.

In her dream she was surrounded by what appeared to be a sea of blonde hair. She was so frightened because she thought she would suffocate. Then slowly the hair began to shrink. The hair loosened its grip on her, and she found herself on the rooftop of an apartment. She saw the rest of her family there along with other members of Quahog including but not limited to Tricia Takanawa, Diane Simmons, and Jillian.

Then Lois saw the source of the hair. It was a man with shaggy, blonde hair, a goatee, and a thin but somewhat muscular body who looked like he was in his early 20's. Lois instantly felt sexual tension from staring at the man as did the other women nearby.

"Whoa," said Diane. "Look at that fine ass!"

"And those abs…" drooled Tricia.

"And just look at the size of his- Oh my god! This is just too good to be true!" said Lois.

"Oh, hello Lois," said the blonde-haired man in a voice that sounded just like Peter's.

"What the hell?" exclaimed a confused Lois.

"Oh, I guess you're wondering why I have the same voice as your husband Peter Griffin. Well, as usual, Zack Murdock was being a great big jerk and calling me stupid. So I got mad at him and threw one of Stewie's balls at him right before Zack's hair went out of control. Unfortunately, this made me and Zack switch bodies. So now I'm inside Zack's body instead of my own. Pretty strange, huh?"

**(Note: In this part, I'm combining chapters 28 and 46 from Malcolm Fox's story. You may recognize some of the dialogue from A Hairy Situation.)**

"So you mean…"

"Yep. I'm Peter Griffin trapped inside another man's body."

Lois began drooling and pressing her hands up against the man's abs and chest while making low guttural growling noises.

"Mom, what are we going to do? We need to figure out a way to get my boyfriend back in his own body," complained Meg.

"Well Meg, there's no sense in complaining. We'll just have to make the best of a bad situation. That means I'll just have to get used to having sex with Peter in Zack's body. Oh, woe is me," said Lois as she hoisted the man on her shoulders and rushed back to the Griffin house.

"Be gentle with it…" shouted Zack Murdock from Peter's body.

Lois gasped as she awoke from her dream. She looked over to Peter ashamed of herself for having a dream about another man.

_How can I be having sexual thoughts about other men_ she thought to herself in shame. _I'd better make an appointment to see a psychiatrist tomorrow. Wait a minute! Who the hell is Zack Murdock?_

The next morning she went to see Brian's psychiatrist, Bruce Kaplan.

"Good morning, doctor."

"Good morning, Lois. Tell me what's been going on."

"Well lately I've been having sexual dreams about other men. I know they're just dreams that I can't control, but it just feels so dishonest to Peter. What can I do?"

"Well, what do you usually do during the day?" asked Dr. Kaplan.

"Well I usually just cook, clean up the house, and take care of our little baby Stewie."

The doctor sat there for a moment. "Well maybe you could try getting out of the house more. Maybe that'll take your mind off of sex."

"Thanks." Lois left the office of Bruce Kaplan.


	5. Lois's Day Out

**Lois's Day Out**

After Lois's doctor appointment, she took a walk to a Barnes & Noble bookstore. She saw Joe and Bonnie looking at cookbooks.

"Hi, Bonnie," Lois said.

"Hey, Lois," Bonnie answered back. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm just getting some fresh air. The doctor said I should get out the house more. What are you looking at?"

"Well Joe and I decided we should try out some new recipes. We're getting tired of always eating the same thing. I think we might try some turtle soup."

"Well that sounds great. I think I need to try some new recipes myself." Then Lois saw something in the corner of her eye that really grabbed her attention. There was a sale going on for romance novels. "Excuse me. I have to go," she told Joe and Bonnie.

Lois dashed over to the shelves. She was enamored by the pictures of all the handsome men and beautiful women on the cover. She picked up one book that had a man and woman passionately kissing each other on the cover, started reading it, and was pleasantly surprised. The book opened up with a scene that was a woman giving the man an erotic massage. Lois put it down to see what her other choices were. She seemed to want all the books that were on the display shelf. So instead of getting just one, she picked up 15 of the books and headed to the checkout line.

Since going to the bookstore had failed, Lois went to the mall to try to get her mind off sex. She walked into a Dillard's and went by the men's underwear section where she saw a picture of a very handsome man with a muscular chest wearing the underwear. She stared at the man for a while and then quickly walked out of the Dillard's and into the main shopping area.

"Mrs. Griffin! Mrs. Griffin!" shouted a familiar female voice. Lois turned her head and saw Jillian walking in the mall. It appeared that she had on a button-up shirt that she was holding together at the front because it hadn't yet been buttoned.

"Oh hey, Jillian. What's up?" replied Lois in a friendly way.

"Not much. I was just wondering, how does this work?" Jillian asked.

"How does what work?"

"These things on my shirt. I see these buttons and these holes, but I don't know what to do with them. You see this guy sold me this shirt at one of the stores. I asked him how to button up my shirt, but he said I looked better with them unbuttoned."

Now Lois was aware that Jillian was a pretty dumb girl, but this seemed stupid even for her. "You really don't know how this works? It's very simple." Lois grabbed the top button of Jillian's shirt and began to show her how it worked. "You see I take this button right here and slip … it … through … the…." But then Lois's bisexual urges kicked in when she caught a good bit of Jillian's cleavage.

"Hmm…" said Lois pretending not to know how to button the shirt so she could stare at Jillian's cleavage some more. "Well gee, Jillian. I don't know how that works."

After leaving the mall, Lois decided to drive downtown to take a walk. However, this also failed to get her mind off sex. She saw bright, flashing lights for a strip club. She walked inside.


	6. Lois the Stripteaser

**Lois the Stripteaser**

When Lois walked inside the strip club, she first walked into an office. There was a man sitting behind the desk; it was the sleazy salesman, as in the salesman that sold Peter the James Bond car with no engine.

Well hello there, beautiful!" said the sleazy salesman, taking note of the gorgeous woman who had just walked in. "How may I help you?"

"I was interested in becoming a stripper. Got any applications?"

"I sure do. Here you go," replied the sleazy salesman handing Lois an application. Lois filled out the application and turned it into him.

"Of course, I will need to see your dance moves tomorrow, but I'm sure you'll have no problem. Can you come back at noon tomorrow?"

"I sure can. I'll see you then."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

Later that evening, Lois was busy cooking steaks and asparagus for dinner.

"Hi, honey!" said Peter when he got back from work. "That smells good."

"Well thank you, Peter. Oh, I have some good news. I'm getting a job." Brian overheard Lois say this from the living room.

"Really? That's great!"

"I know. Now the family will have some extra income."

"What's the job by the way?"

"I'm gonna become a stripper."

Immediately, Brian's ears perked up. "Oh…I see," Peter responded sadly. But he remembered when he tried to stop Lois from being a model, she got very upset. So he pretended to be happy for Lois. "Yes, Lois. That is great news," he forced himself to say. Meanwhile, Brian was jumping up and down in the background in pure joy over the news he had just heard.

The next day, Lois returned to the strip club to show the sleazy salesman her dance routine.

"Alright," said the sleazy salesman. "I want you to get up on that stage and show me your moves." Lois got up on the stage and took off her green and tan pants. She had been wearing her _Mind Over Murder _outfit underneath it.

_Whoa!_ thought the sleazy salesman getting a good view of Lois's body. Lois grabbed the strip pole and twirled around it. She bent down and backed up her butt. She did many other dance moves.

"You're hired!" the sleazy salesman said enthusiastically. "Can you start tonight?" he asked.

"Absolutely."

The next morning, Lois was busy making waffles for everyone.

"So, Lois, how did it go last night?" asked Brian.

"Brian, last night was absolutely amazing. I made $500. Everyone was really nice."

"So are you giving another performance tonight?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied. "Tonight is gonna be so much fun!" She looked over at Peter sitting at the table with a depressed look on his face. "Peter, you haven't touched your waffles. Is something wrong?"

"Everything's fine, Lois," he said trying to mask his gloom.

Brian went into the living room, dancing happily. Stewie had just woken up and was walking down the stairs.

"You. Dog. What are you so happy about?"

"Oh nothing much," he said trying to restrain his excitement. "Except that I'm gonna be getting a lap dance from Lois tonight. You heard she became a stripper last night, right?"

"What! Well this is the first I've heard of this. Well you enjoy your lap dance from Lois, dog."

"I will," he replied walking away.

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Stewie mumbled to himself when the dog was far away. Stewie stood there plotting a way for Brian not to get his lap dance from Lois.

Stewie walked back to his room and pulled out his teddy bear Rupert. "Alright, Rupert. We need to find a way to prevent the dog from getting his lap dance with Lois. What's that? You say we should go to the strip club disguised as someone working there? Well alright. But first I'll need to write this." Stewie pulled out a piece of paper and began writing on it.

Brian returned from his walk half an hour later and passed by Stewie's room.

"By the way, dog, what strip club did she join?" Stewie asked.

"She joined the one downtown. Which reminds me I have to get ready for tonight."

"Alright, Rupert. I have to act quickly," he said when Brian was a good distance away. He quickly put on a tuxedo and hopped on his tricycle, heading for downtown. When Stewie got downtown in his formal attire, he saw Barnaby and Phineas standing outside the strip club.

"Hey, boys. Are you the two bouncers?" asked Stewie.

"Yes," replied Barnaby.

"The boss asked me to give this to you. He wants it posted outside."

"I've never seen you here before," replied Phineas.

"Yeah, well I'm new. Anyway, just put this up right outside for me, will you?"

"Well, okay," replied Barnaby. "But you sure are short."

"I am who I am," replied Stewie. _Yes. This will ensure that that insufferable dog won't be able to get his lap dance from that vile woman_ Stewie thought evilly. He quickly hopped back on his tricycle and raced back home.

Meanwhile, Lois was getting ready to head out for her new job. "Peter, take care of Stewie for me. I'm about to leave for work."

"Okay, Lois." However, he had other plans for the night. He was so depressed over Lois becoming a stripper that he intended to go to the Drunken Clam to drink away his problems.

Meanwhile, Stewie had just gotten back a few minutes after Lois left for work. Peter was about to head to the Drunken Clam. "Hey, Brian, will you watch Stewie for me?"

"Okay, Peter." However, his plan was to go to the strip club. As soon as Peter left, Brian checked on Stewie who was sound asleep. He then walked downtown toward the strip club.

_Oh boy! A lap dance from Lois_ Brian thought happily to himself as he skipped down the sidewalk toward the strip club. He could picture it now. Lois's sexy body rubbing up against his own. Her titties in his face. It would be his one chance to feel up Lois without feeling guilty about betraying Peter. Tonight was going to be a great night for Brian Griffin.

AT THE DRUNKEN CLAM

Meanwhile, Peter was brooding over the problem of Lois becoming a stripper.

"Come on, Peter. You've hardly touched your drink. What's wrong?" asked Horace, the bartender.

"Yeah, Peter. What's on your mind?" asked Joe. "You've been acting a little down this week."

"I don't know. Things just aren't right between me and Lois," responded Peter.

"How so?" Joe asked.

"It's just that… my wife became a stripper at that strip club downtown."

"Hang on a sec! Lois became a stripper? Well what the hell am I doing here? Giggity, giggity, gone!" yelled Quagmire taking off like the roadrunner, leaving behind a cloud of dust.

"So you all had a fight?" asked Joe.

"No. I would've yelled but I was afraid she would react the same way she did when I told her to give up modeling."

AT THE STRIP CLUB

As Brian saw the sign for the strip club, he picked up his pace, eager to get a lap dance from the woman he had often fantasized over.

"Here's my ID," Brian said as he approached Barnaby and Phineas.

"Ooops. Sorry. No dogs allowed," said Phineas pointing to the sign that Stewie had asked them to put up.

"Oh come on! I'm anthropomorphic!" complained Brian.

"Sorry, but rules are rules," replied Barnaby.

Brian walked away feeling dejected but was determined to get his lap dance from Lois.

The next morning, Brian was at the table concocting a plan to get into the strip club. Lois was busy cooking omelets for everyone.

"Last night was even better than my first night. Glenn Quagmire came in, and I made $400 from him alone."

Meanwhile, Brian had figured out what his plan would be. He decided to go out to buy a disguise.

At the mall, he purchased a suit and a fake mustache. He then found Carl, the convenient store clerk, and got him to make a fake ID for him, one that would state he was human.

When Brian returned to the strip club the next night, he was dressed in his suit, fake mustache, and had his fake ID from Carl. The disguise seemed to fool Barnaby and Phineas. When he stepped inside the strip club, he looked around to find Lois. There was a bunch of loud music and bartenders serving customers their drinks. Then he saw the sleazy salesman step out on the stage.

"Everyone, please give a round of applause for Lois Griffin." Everyone cheered as a curtain was rolled up. Looking up, Brian saw Lois in all her glory. Her back was turned to the audience. She was wearing the same outfit she wore in _Mind Over Murder_. In fact, she now looked exactly like she did in that episode except for the fact that her breasts were the same size they were in _I Take Thee Quagmire_. Brian imagined putting his hand on one of her ankles, slowly sliding it up her long sexy leg, and placing it on her butt cheek.

He was about to go ask Lois for a lap dance, but then one of the servers accidentally bumped into him, causing his fake mustache to fall on the ground.

_Uh oh!_ Brian thought to himself.

"Barnaby! Phineas! There's a dog in here," yelled the server. Barnaby and Phineas came over to where Brian was.

"Wait a minute! We know you," said Barnaby. "You're that dog from yesterday."

"You broke the rules. Now you will be kicked out," added Phineas. The two bouncers grabbed Brian by his arms.

"No! This isn't fair. I! WANT! MY! LAP! DANCE! FROM! LOIS!" yelled Brian, kicking and screaming as the two bouncers dragged him out. "Ahhhh!" he screamed as they dragged him out a door in the back and threw him into a dumpster.

After more loud music was playing, the sleazy salesman got up on the stage. "Everyone, I have a special announcement to make. We have a new stripper. Please welcome Jillian." There was a loud applause as Jillian, the dumb blonde, walked up on stage. Lois immediately ran over to Jillian.

"Hey, Jillian."

"Hi, Mrs. Griffin."

"What made you decide to become a stripper?"

"Well there was this guy I met the other day, and he said I would be good at it. But I'm not really sure what to do. I'm so confused."

Lois, remembering being attracted to Jillian at the mall, came up with a wicked idea. "I know what you should do."

"What's that?" asked Jillian.

"Kiss me," replied Lois.

"Kiss you?" Jillian replied confused. Lois grabbed Jillian and locked lips with her. Everyone who watched the two pretty ladies kissing threw money at them. However, Lois only wanted to kiss Jillian for the sexual thrill, not for the money she knew people would throw at her.

"By the way, who was it that told you to become a stripper?" Lois asked curiously.

"Well remember that guy I told you about at the mall who sold me that shirt I couldn't button? He was the one who told me to become a stripper. There he is right over there, actually."

Lois looked in the direction Jillian had pointed. She didn't see who Jillian was pointing to, but she did take notice of a very handsome man with brown hair who looked well-built. _Oh my God! He's hot!_

Lois approached the handsome man right away. "What's your name?" she asked in a seductive manner.

"Ken," the man replied.

"What brings you here?" Lois asked.

"Well I'm in the Marines, and this is my last night in town before I go overseas. So my friends and I are having a good-bye party here."

"How about a lap dance?" she asked.

"I actually don't have any more money left. Sorry."

But Lois would not let this stop her. "Oh, well you're getting a lap dance anyway," she said, getting on top of the man. "It's my way of wishing you good luck overseas. This one's on the house."

First she pressed her hands against the man's muscular chest and began softly rubbing her hands against his muscles. She then moved her hands to the back of the man's head and began caressing it. Then she took off her shirt, exposing her large, round breasts and pulled the man's face into them. "Mmmmm," said Lois while rubbing her breasts in the man's face. "You know I always thought the Marines were sexy," she whispered in his ear with a seductive tone. Her nipples became hard when she was rubbing up against his body. In fact, it reminded her of her days in college when she had been a stripper. Sure she made good money as a stripper then as she did now. But she wasn't in it for the money. She did it because she became sexually aroused by rubbing up against a man's body.

AT THE DRUNKEN CLAM

Meanwhile, Peter was drinking a lot more alcohol than usual.

"You might want to take it easy, Peter," said Joe.

"Why should I? My wife is a stripper."

"Would you like me to check on her for you?" asked Joe.

"Fine," Peter responded.

BACK AT THE STRIP CLUB

Lois refused to stop giving the Marine his lap dance until his buddies told him they had to go because of the physical pleasure she got from rubbing up against his body. By the time she was done with him, 45 minutes had passed, which was much longer than the normal length of a lap dance.

After she said goodbye to the Marine, she went back to the stage to do more dancing. The crowd cheered and threw a bunch of ones at her.

Then a hideous creature, who happened to be Sloth from the episode Hell Comes to Quahog, walked into the strip club. The first thing he noticed was Lois dancing on stage. He immediately knew he wanted a lap dance from her when he saw what a sexy woman she was. He walked over to the stage and threw two twenty dollar bills at her, thinking it would get her to come to him. However, when Lois was picking up the money, she had no idea who had thrown what bills. She just continued to dance happily.

When Lois finished dancing, the Sloth tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey, can I get my lap dance now?" he asked.

Lois looked at the disgusting man. She normally didn't say no to a customer, but she was so repulsed by his appearance that she just had to. "Uh, no, I don't think so," she replied uneasily.

"What do you mean no?" asked Sloth.

Lois then pointed to a sign that read "We have the right to refuse service to anyone."

"But I already gave you my money," he protested.

"When?" she asked.

"When you were dancing."

"Well that's not how it works," Lois responded. "When you throw money when I'm dancing, it means you like my dancing. If you want a lap dance, you ask first and then give me the money."

"I'm going to the manager. Where is he?"

Lois pointed over to the sleazy salesman behind one of the bars. Lois watched Sloth talking to the sleazy salesman. It looked like things were getting heated up between the two.

"_I WANT MY FUCKING LAP DANCE!_" Sloth yelled angrily to the sleazy salesman. He responded by calling over Barnaby and Phineas to take him out of the club.

Both bouncers grabbed him by the arms. As Sloth was being dragged out, he started to overpower the two bouncers. He grabbed Phineas and threw him across the bar into a bunch of bottles and the manager, knocking both of them unconscious. Then he punched Barnaby in the face, knocking him unconscious as well. Everyone in the strip club was terrified. Sloth grabbed both of Lois's arms with his right hand and dragged her into a room.

"Uhh, okay. You can have your lap dance," she said fearfully.

"It's too late for that. I'm gonna do more than just get a lap dance from you now." Sloth licked his lips. Sloth threw Lois down and was about to have his way with her, but then a gunshot could be heard. Sloth fell down; the back of his head had a bullet wound. She saw Joe wheeling his way up to Lois.

"You okay, Lois?" asked Joe.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she responded. Her heart was still racing.

"Peter was at the Clam with me. I decided to come check up on you."

"Well I'm glad you did."

"Why don't you let me give you a ride to the Clam? I'll take you and your husband home."

"That sounds good."

Joe's cop buddies gave Lois a ride to the Drunken Clam. She went inside to see Peter.

"Peter…" she said running up to him. Tears were in her eyes as she hugged him. "I'm quitting my job," she said.

"Why?" asked Peter. "What happened?"

"I was almost raped. This guy wanted a lap dance from me, and I wouldn't give it to him. So when he was being kicked out, he overpowered the bouncers and then tried to have his way with me."

"Thank God you're all right," he said. He was glad that Lois was safe and that she would be quitting her job at the strip club.


	7. Lois and Bonnie

**Lois and Bonnie**

Lois went to work out at the gym. She saw Jillian in the locker room.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin."

"Hi, Jillian," Lois replied back. She started getting vibes, remembering the kiss she had with Jillian at the strip club. She looked around and started taking note of the other women. She saw the Barney-pen woman, some of the sexy women from Glenn Quagmire's party, and some new people. These included Mrs. Lockhart, the woman that Brian had hit on in the Frank Sinatra episode, and Amanda Rebecca (think Road to Rhode Island). She experienced an overflow of sexual urges staring at these women change.

After everyone had changed, Bruce the performance artist started having everyone doing stretches. Lois had a hard time not staring at the legs and butts of the other females. After the stretches, everyone started jogging in place. She could see the other women in the mirror. She was almost completely hypnotized by their bouncing breasts while they were jogging.

When Bruce gave the class a break, Lois walked into the locker room. She decided to go home because she had to get away from all the other sexy women. Then she saw Maid Madeleine (that's the Black Knight's wife) step out of the shower wrapped in a towel.

"Oh hello, Lois," she said. She took off her towel to dry her hair. She was shaking her body while she was doing it.

Lois started drooling over Maid Madeleine's huge boobs moving from left to right. When Maid Madeleine finished drying her hair, she spotted Lois staring at her. Lois's face turned red when she realized that she had been caught.

"Excuse me," said Lois, hoping to get out of the awkward situation.

Later that night, Lois had a dream. She was fighting against Gloria Ironbox. Gloria had said something that really infuriated Lois. So Lois threw the first punch, and now there was a catfight. After a few blows had been exchanged, they started grappling each other, and their bodies were rubbing up against each other. Both Lois's and Gloria's blouses ripped, and their breasts were touching. Gloria's hair went down. A moment ago, Gloria had looked like a plain, unattractive woman. But now she exuded great pulchritude. Lois became aroused. She pulled Gloria Ironbox closer to her and kissed her. They began gently feeling each other up and making out.

Lois suddenly jerked awake, covered in a cold sweat. What she really craved right now was sex with a woman.

Lois walked to Glenn Quagmire's house and knocked on his door. Glenn opened the door.

"Hubba, hubba!" Glenn greeted her.

"So Quagmire, your birthday's coming up."

"Yep, it sure is."

"I have something special that I want to do for your birthday. Would you like that?"

Quagmire smiled a little bit. "I sure would."

"Here's what I have in mind." Lois began to whisper in Glenn's ear what she wanted to do. A huge grin formed on his face.

Joe, Peter, Quagmire, Lois, and Bonnie were all at Quagmire's house. Everyone was drinking lots of beer. They were about to cut the cake covered with white icing. Everyone sang "Happy Birthday" and then Glenn cut the cake.

After they finished the cake, Glenn spoke up. "Everyone, there is something special I want for my birthday. I want Lois and Bonnie to make out with each other."

Bonnie had an awkward look on her face, while Lois feigned a similar look.

"Well, it is a strange request, but it's Quagmire's birthday." Lois pulled Bonnie in for a kiss. She rubbed her hands against Bonnie's shoulders. Bonnie felt uncomfortable at first but then got used to it. Quagmire pulled out his recorder.

Lois felt what she had been craving since her day at the gym. Kissing Bonnie, brought her back to her days in high school when she dated other women.

"Okay, now I want you two to fondle each other."

"What!" exclaimed Bonnie.

"Come on, Bonnie," replied Lois. "I mean sure, it's a strange request. But it's Quagmire's birthday. Don't you think he deserves a nice treat?"

Bonnie just looked at Lois strangely.

"You just need a little more wine." Lois gave Bonnie more wine. Eventually, she was too drunk to care what she was doing. They gave in to Quagmire's demands.

Later that week, Lois invited Bonnie over for some coffee. Peter was at work while the kids were at school. Stewie was sleeping upstairs, and Brian was out. They were having a conversation about their home lives.

"It's been tough losing Kevin, but it feels good not to be pregnant anymore. Our little Susie is such an adorable baby."

"Yeah," replied Lois.

They both sat across from each other at the table unable to come up with anything to say.

"So… how'd you like Quagmire's party?" asked Lois.

"I drank too much. I don't really remember what happened."

"Remember when he asked us to make out with each other?" asked Lois.

"I think so."

"Wasn't that strange?"

"Yeah." They both just looked at each other awkwardly for a moment.

"You know, I recently purchased some massage lotion," said Lois, breaking the awkward silence. "I've been wanting to test it out. Would you like me to give you a massage upstairs?"

"Well I have been pretty stressed out lately. So sure, why not?"

Lois and Bonnie went up to the bedroom.

"Okay, Bonnie. I'll need you to take off your shirt so I can rub the lotion on your back."

Lois watched Bonnie take off her shirt with keen interest. Bonnie was now lying down on the bed.

"Okay, Bonnie. I'll have to unhook your bra so I can move my hands across your back more easily."

"Okay," she responded.

Lois began rubbing the lotion on Bonnie's upper back and neck. She then made her way toward Bonnie's butt.

"Uh Lois, you're going a little low."

"Oh, sorry. Was that too low for you?"

"That's okay. It actually does feel nice."

Then Lois kissed Bonnie on her neck. Bonnie wasn't sure how to react. She had been deprived of sex since her husband's accident paralyzed him from the waist down. In most circumstances, she would have been infuriated. But because it had been so long since she had had sex, she instead turned around and pulled Lois in for a kiss. They got under the covers and threw off all their clothes.

Bonnie thought about what she had done with Lois the next day. Sure it had been a long time since she had had sex, but she still loved her husband. Just at that moment, Joe came home.

"Hi, Bonnie."

"Hi, Joe."

"Quagmire's coming over tonight for a few drinks."

"He is?"

"Yeah. Peter said he was working overtime tonight. So he can't come."

Quagmire came over to have a few drinks. After he got really drunk, he started ranting about what happened during his birthday.

"You want to hear something funny?" he asked Joe and Bonnie.

"What?" asked Bonnie.

"Remember at my birthday party when I asked you and Lois to make out with each other and fondle each other?"

"What about it?"

"It wasn't even my idea. Lois was the one who thought of it."

"WHAT?!" Bonnie shouted angrily.

"Yep. It was her plan, not mine. Isn't that funny?"

"Maybe I should go next door and have a talk with Mrs. Griffin."

Bonnie stormed out of the house and walked next door. Lois opened the door and saw Bonnie with an angry face.

"How can I help you, Bonnie?" asked Lois not yet knowing why Bonnie was mad.

Bonnie grabbed Lois by the collar. "What's the big idea with you having Quagmire ask us to make out."

"What?" asked Lois.

"That's right. Quagmire's at our house right now, and he just told us."

"Oh!"

"What you did was despicable."

"But you agreed to it."

"Listen. You don't know what it's like to be in my shoes. I only did it because I was really drunk and didn't know what I was doing. As for what happened when you gave me a massage, that only happened because I've had a lot of sexual tension from not having sex in over five years. I may not be able to make love to my husband the way you get to make love to yours, but I still love him. I would never do anything to hurt him. My husband saved your life recently, and this is how you repay us? By trying to make me be unfaithful to him?"

"But…"

"But nothing. As far as I'm concerned, we're through being friends. And if you see me outside, don't say hi to me. Go fuck yourself, Lois."

**Author's note: This isn't really my best chapter. I think the next one will be better.**


	8. Lois the Pedophile

**Lois the Pedophile**

It was a Friday afternoon. There was only one thing on Lois's mind right now: sex. There was just one problem. Her husband wasn't home. Peter had gone out of town for a business trip to New York City. Angela had organized the trip because the Pawtucket Patriot was just a local beer sold only in New England. Angela felt that the business should expand to other parts of the country.

Lois cringed when she remembered that her husband was out of town. Actually, he'd been out of town for over a week and wouldn't be getting back until tomorrow. Since Peter left, Lois had gone this whole time without having sex, and it was causing her to become really on the edge. Her husband would be back in a few days, but she needed something now.

For some reason, she thought about the sex she had had with Bonnie recently. Sure Bonnie had yelled at her, but damn that was some good sex! And suddenly, an idea came to her. She remembered that Meg had once sought out social acceptance by joining the Lesbian Alliance Club and pretending to be a lesbian. She even brought over a girl named Sarah from the club. Lois also remembered sharing a passionate French kiss with Sarah. It was true that the only reason she kissed her was to show Meg how a real lesbian would kiss another woman. However, that did not stop Lois from getting a sexual thrill out of it. A wicked smiled formed across Lois's face.

She drove to James Woods High School to pick up Meg and Chris and then dropped them off at home. Lois quickly thought of a lie to tell her children.

"Kids, I'm going to visit a friend I haven't seen in a long time, and I won't be coming back tonight. Can you two take care of Stewie for me please?"

"Sure thing," Meg replied.

She then drove all the way back to James Woods High School. _The Lesbian Alliance Club should be finishing its after-school meeting by now_, thought Lois. Just as she thought this, she saw Sarah walking out in front of the school.

Sarah was just getting out of her club's meeting and walking out of the school building when something caught her eye. She saw a busty, red-headed woman in a green shirt and tan pants walking across the school yard toward the building. Sarah, being a lesbian, could not help but stare at the stunning beauty.

"Hi, Sarah."

"Oh hi," replied Sarah, snapping out of her daydream. She was taken surprise by the fact that the gorgeous woman she'd been lustfully staring at was coming to talk to her and knew her name. "You know who I am?" she asked.

"Of course I do. I'm Lois Griffin. Don't you remember me?"

"Griffin… Griffin…," Sarah muttered to herself. "Oh yes. Now I remember. You must be Meg Griffin's mother. You look different from the last time I saw you."

"I know. I have been weaning my baby son, so my breasts have grown larger."

"Oh!" exclaimed Sarah who became aroused by Lois talking about her breasts. Sarah turned her face slightly away from Lois in an attempt to hide her arousal, but Lois could clearly see her blushing. Sarah became a little embarrassed when she realized Lois could see her blushing, and Lois merely smiled when she saw Sarah's cheeks turn slightly redder.

"Let me ask you something, Sarah. Do you remember that kiss we had?"

"Yes," replied Sarah as she blushed a little more.

"Remember how sweet it was?" asked Lois, giggling in a sexy manner.

Her question made Sarah blush so much that her face turned completely red.

"Come with me," said Lois in a seductive manner.

Sarah got into Lois's car, and they drove to a hotel by the Quahog airport. Meanwhile, Quagmire was about to head home from work when something caught his eyes. He saw Lois holding hands with an attractive young girl heading in the direction of the hotel. They were far off in the distance, but Quagmire was able to spot them easily because of Lois's noticeably bigger boobs. Now most people might not have expected that anything was about to happen. But Quagmire, perhaps because he always had sex on his mind, made an assumption about what was going on.

"Heh, heh, awwwww right!" Quagmire said to himself while thrusting his pelvis back and forth.

Lois entered the hotel and rented a room for the night. After using a credit card to pay for the room, Lois was handed a key card for entering the hotel room. Sarah and Lois entered their room. Little did they know that someone was already waiting inside their room hidden somewhere.

"Well what do you want to do now?" Lois asked Sarah.

"Well first I'm gonna call my parents and tell them I'm spending the night at a friend's house. That way, they won't worry about where I am."

"Good idea," said Lois.

Sarah pulled out her cell phone and made the call. They both sat down on the hotel bed.

"So what do you want to do now?" Lois asked slyly, putting her hand on Sarah's back. "How about we share another special kiss?"

_Yes! This is gonna be so sweet!_ Sarah thought to herself. She nodded.

Lois stared at Sarah's pretty face. Their faces moved closer until their lips were pressing against each other. Both took great pleasure in the way the other's lips tasted. They both then began moving their hands up and down each other's backs. They were enjoying it a lot more than their last passionate French kiss when Lois only did it to show Meg how to kiss a girl. Sarah really liked the feel of Lois's breasts brushing up against her body as they were making out. As they continued their kiss, Sarah slowly slid her hands from Lois's back and moved them toward her breasts. Sarah began stroking them in a circular motion while they continued to French kiss each other. Lois became even more sexually aroused when Sarah started feeling her up.

"So you like those?"said Lois after letting Sarah feel her up for about five minutes. This made Sarah blush a little. "Well let me show you my special surprise. Close your eyes."

Sarah closed her eyes. Lois took off her shirt, revealing her big black bra and put her hands on the back of Sarah's head. She worked her fingers deep into Sarah's skull, making her feel very relaxed. After a few minutes of massaging the back of Sarah's head, Lois slowly pulled her head deep into her breasts.

"Mmmmmmm," said Sarah in delight.

"I knew you would like my special surprise." Lois thought she heard a faint giggity noise coming from inside the closet, but the noise was so faint that she dismissed it as something in her mind. Lois continued gently caressing the back of Sarah's head while it remained buried in her bosom. Then Lois pulled the cover over them while giggling.

The next day Peter returned home from his trip and received a phone call from Quagmire.

"Hey, Quagmire. What's going on? Oh really! Well I guess I'll have to check it out then. Bye," said Peter sounding excited.

Peter then went into Chris's room, turned on Chris's laptop and got on to YouTube. "Brian, Chris, you've gotta come see this video. It's so awesome!"

Meanwhile, Lois was downstairs doing her usual household chores. Fifteen minutes later, she was approached by her husband.

"Lois, would you care to explain this?"

"Explain what? What are you talking about?"

"The video I just saw on YouTube. I'll show you."

Lois followed Peter to Chris's room, and Peter showed her what was on Chris's laptop. It was a YouTube video called "Two Chicks Making Out" posted by someone with the YouTube username Giggity. The video had just been posted yesterday but already had over 9,000 hits. Peter then hit the play button. The video showed Lois and Sarah making out. Noises of someone going "giggity" could be heard every now and then while the video played.

Lois became very embarrassed when she saw the video. There were already over a hundred comments.

One comment read: _This is the hottest girl-girl action I've ever seen. _

Another comment read: _I like the rack on the older one. But I'd take a piece of the younger one too. _

But she was more concerned about how Peter would react. She loved Peter and was worried that he might be hurt from knowing that she had sex with someone else.

"Now, Lois, please explain what this is all about," Peter said in a serious tone. This made Lois feel very nervous.

"Peter, please don't be mad at me," she pleaded to her husband. "You see, I just couldn't control myself and…"

"Mad at you? What are you talking about? This video is freakin' sweet!"

"You mean you actually like the video?"

"Oh yeah. Brian, Chris, and I have already watched it several times. In fact, we were all just about to watch it again."

"But why did you sound so serious?"

"Because you told me you would never do any girl-girl action stuff when I wanted to see some. Now, Lois, why did it take so many years for me to finally see you in some girl-girl action?"

Lois groaned and slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand.

Peter, Chris, and Brian all started watching the video again. They all had their heads tilted back and their tongues hanging out of their mouths, drooling over it like mindless zombies.

Stewie then walked into the room. "I say, why is everybody in Chris's room? What the devil is so bloody fascinating?" Stewie jumped up in an attempt to view the computer screen but couldn't jump high enough.

"You, fat man. Pick me up. I want to know what everyone else is watching."

"See, Lois. Look. Even Stewie wants to watch the video. This video is so hot that I bet it could even make Stewie hit puberty!"

"Uh, Peter? Please don't let Stewie watch that video. I mean, he's just a baby," Lois cautioned Peter.

"Nonsense, Lois. I think he can watch it with us. Come here, Stewie. This video is gonna turn you into a man."

Peter picked up Stewie so he could get a better look at the computer screen and clicked the play button. When Stewie actually saw what was on the screen, his eyes widened in horror.

"AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed.

The sound of Stewie's screams traveled all the way to City Hall.

"So you're back for a rematch, eh? Well game on, Quahog," said Adam West. "AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! I'M BEATING YOU AGAIN."

_Maybe I shouldn't have ignored those noises I thought I heard in the hotel room_, Lois thought to herself. _Whoever was making those noises must have broken into my hotel room last night and recorded this._

Then Lois snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll get it," she said as she went downstairs.

Lois opened the door and saw two people , a man and woman presumably husband and wife, standing at the door looking very angry. This made Lois feel very uncomfortable.

"Uuh, hi. Can I help you?"

"Yes," said the man. "Have you met our daughter?"

"I don't think so, " she replied not completely sure where he was going with this.

"This is our daughter," he replied. The man then yanked the ear of Sarah who had been standing behind the tall woman. "We saw the YouTube video. We know it was you and our daughter in the video. We forced her to tell us."

"Ooh!" said Lois very nervously.

"Do you know how old our daughter is?" asked Sarah's mother.

"No," she stammered uneasily.

"Our daughter is 17 years old. In Quahog, the legal age of consent is 18. We will be pressing charges against you for statutory rape. You'd better get a damn good lawyer. Have a good evening, Mrs. Griffin," said Sarah's father angrily as he slammed the door hard in Lois's face.


	9. Erotic Massages

**Erotic Massages**

Lois walked outside toward the mailbox and returned inside with the mail. It was mostly junk mail and bills. Then she came across one that had gotten her attention. The letter stated that she was to appear in court two months from now about her statutory rape incident.

_I guess I'd better start looking for a lawyer. But how should I look for one? _

Lois decided to browse Craig's List to find what she needed. However, despite getting in trouble recently, she couldn't get having sex off her mind. She came across an ad about a massage parlor downtown. So she decided to go get a massage.

Lois drove to the massage parlor and entered the building. There was a sweet smell at the receptionist's desk coming from a scented candle.

"Can I help you?" the woman asked.

"Yes, I'd like a massage, please," Lois responded.

"Sure," she said. "The Swedish massage is $55."

Lois paid the woman with a credit card.

"Do you prefer a male or female?" she asked.

"Male," she answered.

"Okay. I'll have someone come out right now."

The man came out, and Lois instantly recognized him. It was the man in the strip club she had given the lap dance to.

_Oh boy. I am gonna enjoy this._

"Come this way," he said to Lois. Apparently, he hadn't recognized her yet.

They stepped into the room. "Okay. I'll give you a moment to undress and get into the massage bed.

Lois got undressed and under the covers and put her face in the massage hole. The man put the massage lotion on her back. She liked the feel of his firm muscular hands on her body.

"Do you recognize me?" Lois asked the masseuse.

"No. Who are you?"

"I gave you the lap dance at the strip club."

"Oh yes. Now I remember."

"I thought you were going away because you were in the Marines."

"I was, but then they had this surprise drug test, and I failed it." Then the masseuse asked a question that really caught Lois off guard. "Would you like the happy ending?"

"What?" she asked in surprise.

"We are an erotic massage parlor. A lot of people don't know it though. So I have to ask first."

Lois was turned on by his muscular body. "Yes, I would."

The masseuse then started massaging Lois's buttocks. Then Lois turned over. The man started rubbing her arms and then began gently caressing her breasts. He then lowered his face and began kissing her body.

Lois returned home, and Peter got home a few hours later.

"Hello, Lois."

"Hi, Peter."

"Did you have any luck finding a lawyer?" he asked.

"Oh, uh no. Not really," she replied nervously. She felt ashamed for not doing what she should have done. But she couldn't help it. She just enjoyed sex too much.

The next night Lois tried to have sex with Peter so she wouldn't be tempted to go to the massage parlor, but the sex sucked for her. Because it sucked, she couldn't stop thinking about Ken's muscular body.

The next morning, after Peter had left, she called the massage parlor and made an afternoon appointment with Ken. When it was time for her to go, Lois drove to the place and approached the receptionist

"Yes, I have an appointment with Ken. Where is he?" she asked the receptionist.

"Oh, sorry. He called in sick. We only have one person right now, and it's a woman."

"Oh," Lois said with a little disappointment. "Well that's okay. I'll take her anyway."

"Very well. I'll call her out right now."

The woman who was to give Lois a massage came out. It was Maid Madeleine.

"Oh, hello," said Lois, remembering their awkward moment at the gym.

"Come right this way," replied Maid Madeleine.

Maid Madeleine started massaging Lois's back. "I saw the way you looked at me in the locker room."

"Oh yes," she replied nervously.

"Would you like the happy ending?" Maid Madeleine asked seductively.

"Yes, I would," replied Lois.

Maid Madeleine planted a few kisses on Lois's neck. She undressed and started massaging Lois's back with her bare boobs. Lois turned around and pressed her own boobs up against Maid Madeleine's. They started to French kiss.

Lois stayed away from the massage parlor for a few weeks. But she couldn't get her mind off of the great sex she had had there. So she returned there. "I want to apply for a job here," she said.

"Okay," the receptionist replied. "I'll just need you to fill out this application."

Lois was giving a massage to a stranger. The feel of his strong muscles made her horny. She started massaging his butt, then ordered him to turn over, and went down on his cock.

Lois kept giving erotic massages to random strangers. Then one night she returned home, looked at Peter, and began to cry.


	10. Quahog's News Report

**Quahog's News Report**

Everyone, except for Peter who had not yet gotten home from work, was watching the news.

"Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker."

"And I'm Diane Simmons."

"Many people are wondering who is Quahog's sluttiest female," Tom Tucker continued.

"Well we think the answer is Lois Griffin," said Diane Simmons. The TV then showed a picture of Lois. "Here are some examples of her sluttiness," Diane continued.

First they showed a picture of Lois dressed only in her bra and panties, serving food and beer to Peter's buddies during the Jets/ Pats game. They then showed a picture of her at the fair when she had gotten wet from Peter spraying her and was wearing a white shirt with no bra.

"We've seen Lois engaging in sexual acts at a strip club and even making out with a seventeen-year-old lesbian girl," Tom Tucker said.

They showed pictures of Lois kissing Jillian at the strip club and giving various people lap dances. They then played a short clip of the YouTube video with Lois making out with Sarah.

"And recently, Lois has been spotted at the erotic massage parlor downtown."

They then showed pictures of Lois having sex with the Marine that Lois thought had an amazing body, Maid Madeleine, and several customers from the erotic massage parlor.

"We now go live to Ollie Williams for his opinion. Ollie?" asked Tom Tucker.

"THE WOMAN'S A WHORE!" Ollie shouted.

"Thanks, Ollie."

The camera then cut to Glen Quagmire's house. Glenn had just seen the news report.

_Damnit!_ Glenn thought to himself. _The one week I didn't go to the erotic massage parlor._

The camera then cut back to the Griffin household. _I am gonna go to the Quahog news station and kick some ass!_ Lois thought.

Just then Peter came in the door. "Hi, honey." Then Peter's eyes turned to the TV. He saw the pictures of Lois at the erotic massage parlor. "OH! MY! GOD!" Peter then ran out of the house crying.


	11. Bestiality is Not My Game

**Bestiality is Not My Game **

Brian went over to the kitchen table and sat by himself with an angry, jealous face. Something was troubling him. When he first saw Lois when Peter had brought him to the Griffin household many years ago, he became infatuated with her. He knew it would be wrong for him to actually try to have sex with his best friend's wife. Still, he could not help but fantasize about her amazing body. He thought his dreams would come true when he got married to Lois briefly when Peter went missing. But that was a sexless marriage! And to think she had only been one day away from having sex with him! If only he had waited one extra day to tell Lois to see if Peter would take her back! What he wouldn't give to go back in time just to wait one extra day to tell Lois that. Of course, he would not be brooding over his sexless marriage with Lois had it not been for that news report showing that she had been visiting the erotic massage parlor. It wasn't fair. If she was going to turn to other people for sex, why couldn't he be one of the ones she turned to for sex? Stewie then came into the kitchen, interrupting the dog's thoughts.

"Hello, dog," said Stewie. "How's it going?"

"I'm fine," replied Brian matter-of-factly.

"I know there's something wrong with you, dog. I can tell you're angry and jealous about something, aren't you? Tell me, why are you upset?" asked Stewie.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?" replied Brian in annoyance.

"You won't tell me, eh? Well that's okay because I already know what it is. It obviously has something to do with that news report that just came on. But what exactly could it be? Could it be you're upset that Peter got hurt? Or could it be that you weren't one of those people in bed with Lois? I bet it's the second one. Seems like everybody in Quahog is getting some action from Lois. Everybody but you."

"It's not fair!" yelled Brian. "I was married to Lois, and even then it didn't happen. For the love of God, if she's going to have sex with other people, why can't she at least do it with me?" the dog shouted in frustration. "By the way, how did you know exactly what was wrong with me?"

"I saw that look in your eyes after that news report came on. I've known you for quite a while. I should recognize such a look from you. Well, see you later."

_Yes, it is gonna be so much fun to torture that dog!_ Stewie thought evilly.

An hour later, the entire family, except for Peter, was downstairs eating dinner. Peter had chosen to go to the Drunken Clam to drink away his sorrows, though no one knew exactly where he was. Lois was very upset about being humiliated and hurting her husband. But when she heard her little baby Stewie calling out to her, she smiled a little, knowing that someone was there to bring a little joy in her night.

"Up! Stewie wants to go up," said Stewie. Lois picked up Stewie.

"Oh, my little baby Stewie. Mommy's very upset right now, but at least you're here to brighten my day."

"Stewie wants candy kisses."

Lois was still upset but kissed Stewie on the face a few times and cuddled with her little baby anyway. After all, it was the only thing that could cheer her up at the moment. "Who's my little boy?" Lois said playfully while holding Stewie in the air.

"Me, replied Stewie as Lois kissed him on the forehead. "Yes. Another! Another!" shouted an excited Stewie. "Ooooh! Mama has candy kisses. Mama's skin so smooth. Mmmmmm! Mama's skin so soft," said Stewie as Lois gave him kisses and rubbed her nose against his nose.

"Rrrrrrrrr!" growled Brian who was jealous of the fact that Stewie got to feel Lois's soft skin while he didn't.

"Brian, is something wrong?" asked Lois.

"Uh, no. I'm okay," he replied.

"Stewie wants more candy kisses."

Lois then kissed Stewie a few more times on his face while he giggled. Brian's face started turning red. Stewie turned around to enjoy the look of jealousy on Brian's face. Then Stewie formed a huge smile on his face and abruptly stuck his face into his mother's large breasts.

"All right! That's enough!" yelled Brian. Lois, Meg, and Chris turned their heads toward Brian and gave him puzzled looks, not knowing what was going on.

"Excuse me," said Brian. "I've been having a bad day. I need to go take a nap upstairs."

Half an hour later, the family finished dinner. Lois was sitting alone in her room on her bed, pondering about all that had happened today and experiencing an intense feeling of shame she had never felt before. Brian marched down the hall toward Lois and Peter's room.

"I can't get any action from Lois, can I? I'll show Stewie," Brian muttered to himself as he stormed up the stairs toward Lois and Peter's bedroom. Brian knocked on the door and entered.

"Hi, Lois."

"Hi, Brian. Listen, are you all right? You seemed very upset at dinner tonight?"

"Yeah, it's nothing. But I came here to see if you were okay. I know you must be upset about being publicly humiliated today and not being able to control your urges. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Brian. That's very sweet of you. I'm actually more upset about hurting Peter than I am about being humiliated. I don't know how that story became public news." Then she paused and started to sob a little. "I don't know what's wrong with me. It's just been really difficult for me to control myself lately. It's like I can't think about anything but sex. I just don't know what to do."

"Well Lois, I'm not sure how you can control yourself, but there's no need to try to cure yourself right away. Overcoming these urges is something that's going to take time."

"Thanks, Brian."

"But hey, if you can't control your sexual urges, maybe we could experiment with a little bestiality," he added slyly while sliding his paw across Lois's leg.

It was this last sentence that made Lois realize the dog was not really trying to help her. He was trying to take advantage of Lois's unfortunate situation to get some action. This made her so angry that she punched the dog in the nose hard, causing the dog's nose to bleed.

"Oh God!" cried Brian as he covered his bloody nose with both his hands. While he was covering his nose, Lois used this opportunity to kick Brian in the groin really hard. "AHHHH!"

"How dare you, Brian! I need help with my problem, but you just wanted to take advantage of my uncontrollable urges to have sex with me. Bad dog!"

Brian left the room in severe pain. "Okay, I guess I had that coming," he said to himself.

Stewie came across Brian lying down in the hallway and noticed his bloody nose. "Well, what happened to you, dog?"

"I told…Lois…we could try some bestiality," he replied in a weakened, effeminate voice.

"Well I guess you've learned your lesson. The lesson that everybody but you gets to have sex with Lois. By the way, I am going to keep getting candy kisses from Lois. And I will keep sticking my face into Lois's boobs so I can make your life a living hell!" Stewie spat in the dog's face and walked away.

The next day, after Lois had dropped the kids off at school, Lois was holding Stewie in the den area with Brian chilling on the rug. Stewie continued his act of torturing Brian by getting Lois's "candy kisses" and nuzzling into her large breasts. There was nothing Brian could do to stop Stewie. He growled in frustration, left the den, and went into Stewie's room.

_Hmmm, the dog thinks he can get away from me by switching rooms. Well, I'll show him. _

"Oh, mommy, I want to go into my room."

"Stewie wants to take a nap? Well okay," replied Lois.

Lois carried her little baby into his room and gently placed him in the crib. Stewie took note of the dog sleeping on the floor.

"Goodbye, my little sweetie. Mommy has to go do some chores," said Lois.

"Wait! I want to go uppie."

Lois picked up her little baby and gave him more "candy kisses."

Brian tried to cover his ears with his hands, but Stewie's giggling noises were too loud. "ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH!" yelled Brian who then stormed into Chris's room to sleep.

As soon as Brian left, Stewie said, "That's enough. Stewie wants to go to bed now."

"Awww, my little baby is tired. Well, have a good nap." Lois gave Stewie one more kiss on his forehead before placing him back into the crib.

After Lois had left, Stewie hopped out of his crib and walked into Chris's room where the dog was lying down. Stewie then started walking around Brian in circles.

"Hello, dog," said Stewie.

"Please stop torturing me," Brian said softly.

"You can't take it anymore, can you? You can't stand the fact that I'm getting to receive her candy kisses and rub up against her soft skin while you don't. It's driving you insane, isn't it?"

"Please stop!"

"It's driving you crazy that I get to put my face into her boobs while you don't. In fact, it's making you so insane that you would do just about anything to have your way with her, wouldn't you?"

"I said please stop!" Brian repeated.

"Well I have a way I can make it happen," said Stewie.

"I said stop it! Wait! What was that last thing you said?"

"I was just saying that I have a way you can get action from Lois."

"But how?" asked Brian.

"Behold!" said Stewie, pulling out a test tube filled with a blue, sparkling liquid. "I am an evil baby genius, and I was able to make this potion."

"What does that potion do?" asked Brian curiously.

"Anyone who drinks this potion will remain unconscious for 4 hours. Just think. You could have Lois drink this potion and do whatever you want to her."

"Wait a minute! This has to be a trick. We all know you have an obsessive quest for killing Lois. What if this is really deadly poison?"

"I assure you, this is not poison," replied Stewie. "And to prove it, I suggest we try it out on Herbert's dog, Jesse."

"Good idea," replied Brian.

Stewie and Brian walked outside, and Stewie fed some of the potion to Herbert's dog. The dog instantly collapsed on the ground. "All right, now let's hurry up and go watch some TV inside," Stewie said urgently.

"Maybe we should look at the dog for a little longer to make sure it's okay," said Brian.

"NO! I SAID LET'S GO NOW! JOLLY FARM IS ABOUT TO START!" Stewie grabbed the dog by the arm and hastily dragged him into the house.

After Lois had left to go pick up the kids from school, Brian and Stewie walked outside, and surely enough, Herbert's dog was moving along the grass in his usual slow, plodding pace. "Well, I guess you were telling the truth," said Brian. "Okay, I just needed to know that it wasn't poisonous."

"Well, aren't you going to give it to Lois now that you know it isn't deadly?"

"No," replied Brian. "I just needed to make sure this wasn't one of your attempts to kill Lois."

"But then you won't get to have your way with her," said Stewie.

"Well that may be, but it's wrong to drug a woman just to have your way with her."

Brian took Stewie back into the house. _Mark my words, dog, you will give that potion to Lois._

At dinner that night, Stewie started his routine of getting "candy kisses" from Lois. Cuddling with Stewie almost made Lois forget how depressed she was.

"Mmmmmm. Stewie likes mama's candy kisses." Stewie then glanced over to Brian. After a few minutes of "candy kisses," Stewie started to focus his attention on Lois's breasts. "Stewie likes cuddling with mommy. Mmmm. Mama's breasts so big," Stewie said as he was cuddling with Lois and putting his face into her boobs. Stewie spent more time than usual nuzzling into Lois's breasts. He knew he had to focus most of his attention on this in order to make Brian jealous enough to want to give Lois the potion. And Stewie's plan seemed to be working because he could hear Brian's growls of jealousy.

Meanwhile, Lois continued to think that her baby was simply cuddling with her. "My goodness, aren't you affectionate tonight," she said to her little baby.

"Grrrrrrr…" growled Brian in jealousy.

Brian walked into Stewie's room and said, "All right, Stewie. I've changed my mind. You win."

"Really? What made you change your mind? Was it because you saw me sticking my face into Lois's boobs?"

"Yes, now give me the potion so I can make Lois unconscious and have sex with her." Stewie gave Brian the potion.

"By the way, how exactly are you going to give Lois the potion?" asked Stewie.

"I am going to mix this potion with a rum and coke," Brian replied.

"Excellent plan," said Stewie. "There's just one more thing I need to tell you."

"What's that?"

"After she drinks the potion and collapses, I want you to wait one minute before you start doing anything to her. This is to make sure that she really is unconscious. If she still appears unconscious, then you'll know for sure that my potion has worked and you can start having your way with her."

"Okay, I'll do that."

Brian went downstairs to make the rum and coke and then added Stewie's potion to the drink. Brian then marched upstairs to Lois's room. "Hi, Lois. Listen, I hope there are no hard feelings the other day. I was out of line and I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I forgive you."

"I just want you to know that if you ever need anything, I'm here for you. To patch things up, I brought you this rum and coke."

"Thank you, Brian. That's very sweet of you."

Lois drank a sip of the rum and coke. She passed out on the bed, dropping the cup on the floor. She passed out in such a way that her face was directed to the side of the wall and not the door of the bedroom. Brian then followed Stewie's advice and started waiting for one minute to pass.

The minute had passed. He waved his hands in front of Lois's face but saw no movement in her eyes. "Lois," he called out. But Lois was still lying on the bed motionless. Convinced that Lois was passed out, Brian formed a huge smile on his face. He stared directly at her chest. At this moment, Lois began to regain consciousness. She saw that her drink had been spilled on the floor. However, Brian was unaware that Lois had just woken up, partially because her face was not directed in Brian's direction but also because Brian was focusing his attention on her chest.

"Yeah! I am gonna do stuff to you even Peter has never done to you before," Brian said to himself, thinking he was about to finally have his way with Lois's body.

After seeing her drink spilled on the floor and hearing what Brian had just said, Lois realized what the dog was about to do to her. Brian slowly moved his paw toward one of her boobs, but then he felt something grab it, stopping him in his path before he could touch it. He then looked up and saw a terrifying glare from Lois. Brian momentarily became paralyzed with fear.

"I know what you were about to do to me," said Lois as she shoved Brian's arm away.

Brian, realizing that he was in deep trouble, tried to think of an excuse. "No, it's not what you think. I was just…" But Brian was unable to think of an excuse. "Lois, please don't tell Peter about this," he begged softly.

"I'm not gonna tell Peter. And I won't even call the cops on you. But I…am going…to teach…you…a lesson."

Brian backed up into a corner, and as Lois cornered him, he knew what was coming. The camera zoomed in on the angry face of Lois. Then the camera cut to the door of the bedroom which was closed. Screams of pain from Brian could be heard as Lois pummeled him.

Brian was lying in a hospital bed completely covered in bandages, looking like a mummy. Dr. Hartman then entered the room.

"Well, Brian, it appears you have a broken leg, some bruised ribs, and various other injuries, but I think they will heal up just fine. Because of your broken leg, you won't be able to move for about three weeks. Make sure you stay lying down while your broken leg heals. Otherwise, if you try to get up, it will hurt like hell and take a lot longer to heal."

Lois entered the room with Stewie in a baby seat. "All right, Brian. Dr. Hartman and I are going outside to discuss the hospital bill. I'm leaving Stewie in this room buckled in his seat while I step outside with the doctor. You do realize you deserve this for what you were about to do to me, don't you? Bad dog!" Lois and Dr. Hartman then stepped outside, leaving Brian in the room alone with Stewie.

Stewie unbuckled himself and walked over to the dog's hospital bed.

"Well, dog, what happened to you?" he asked.

"I gave her the rum and coke with the potion mixed in it. Anyway, I was about to have my way with her, but then she woke up and realized what I was about to do to her. Then she beat the crap out of me. For some reason she only stayed unconscious for one minute instead of four hours. I don't get it. Why didn't she stay unconscious?"

"Well that was my plan all along," Stewie responded.

"What do you mean?" asked Brian.

"Well I know how you've always found Lois attractive and how much more you've been checking her out since her boobs got bigger. But I knew your morals were too high to simply drug a woman just to have your way with her. Therefore, I realized that the only way you would resort to such an action was if I made you desperate enough to do it. I realized the only way to make you desperate enough to do that was by making you jealous to the point where you would go insane. So I spent the last two days making you jealous."

"That still doesn't explain why she didn't stay unconscious."

"Well, there's a simple explanation for that. I lied to that. I told you she would stay unconscious for four hours, but the effects of the potion last for only one minute. When we tested the potion on Herbert's dog, didn't you notice that I tried to rush you back into the house? That was so you wouldn't realize the potion's effect didn't last as long as I told you it would. I knew I had made your level of desperation high enough to make you give her the potion. I told you to wait one minute to make sure she was really unconscious, but in reality it was to assure she would wake up before you got to do anything to her. I also knew you would first say something cheesy like, 'Yeah! I am gonna do stuff to you even Peter has never done to you before,' because that is what you always do. I also knew that she would realize what you were about to do to her because she would hear your cheesy line and see her drink spilled on the floor. And finally, I knew she would beat the crap out of you for trying to have your way with her. All part of my elaborate plan for getting back at you."

"Getting back at me? But why? What did I ever do to you?"

"Do you remember that time I got infected with that tainted holy water and had to live in that plastic bubble? And then you spray-painted the bubble completely black so that I couldn't see out of it?"

There was a brief pause.

"THAT'S WHY!" Stewie shouted angrily at the top of his lungs. "And because you're a douchebag," he then added menacingly.

"All right, Stewie. I am going to kick your ass!"

Stewie, seeing the dog all bandaged up, confidently said, "Bring it on, dog."

Brian got out of his hospital bed to kick Stewie's ass but then heard the sound of his bones snapping and felt a sharp pain in his legs, causing him to fall on the floor.

"OWWWWWWWW! I FORGOT! THE DOCTOR TOLD ME NOT TO GET UP. OHHH! IT HURTS SO MUCH. PLEASE HELP ME GET BACK IN BED!"

"Okay," said Stewie as he ran over toward Brian and kicked him really hard in the groin.


End file.
